It's not really a surprise to me, but I guess I should have expected it.
It's been a while since I started actively seeking out a group or tradition. In the past year, I've made it a point to return to studying and actively seek out people who share at least a like-mind in the sense of paganism. In the past year, I have decided that I want to dedicate my life to the service of the gods, wherever they choose to have me. I gave up towards the beginning of this year, and finally just went outside and yelled, "All right....all right....I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I give myself up to you. Completely and utterly. Make me an instrument through which you work. Use me as you see fit. Let the things in my life come to a place where I am able to dedicate my life to your service."
Weird enough, everything's been coming up Millhouse.
Seriously. Within the last six months, I've come to terms with several things. I've done spellwork for change, transformation, and prosperity. Last month, I got a promotion and have doubled my income. This week I'm buying a car (which I have never done) from a dealership.
I'm almost scared of the bottom falling out, so to speak.
But I have faith. I think these things are happening for a reason. I don't know where I'm going to wind up, because the place I've been promoted to, well I have to stay there a year. It should be long enough for me to get some of my things together. I mean, at least I'm hoping. Then we're off - to I don't know where. Wherever it is, I am hoping that it has a few sizable colleges so that my husband and my friend can get their degrees (the husband just needs to finish somewhere).
I have been searching out tentatively traditionalist paths. Think Gardner, Alexandrian, Whitecroft, etc. Something with a little more discipline than self-made stuff. I've been starting my reading up again...which makes me happy. I don't have a ton of time for it yet, but I'm working towards that goal.
In that, there's probably a LOT of stuff I need to get rid of. Stuff that has been kicking around for years that finally, really, has no use or value, save for the fact I'm sentimentally clinging to it. That can be bad when you're trying to move around in the world. But I've got a few months, so we'll see.
Till then, I'm trying to work to being a more active Seeker. Gods help me. :)