People are like, "Let the past go - there's nothing you can do to change it anyway."
But frankly, there's some things in the past that just thinking about them, really damn well pisses me off.
I talk with all of my 'ex's. Fortunately for me, not only to I have an understanding husband, I dated some really awesome guys. However, no matter how carefully two people try to deal with a breakup, shit can happen.
One of the big things that pisses me off is that people I want to reconnect with from my past get some really messed-up, jaded views. Let me give you the story.
A friend that I stopped talking to a while ago had a husband who was a complete asshole. In fact, he was such an asshole in high school that I actually told him to his face, I didn't like him, he was a liar and a jerk, and I didn't want him to hang out around me or any of my friends. So, of course, the next day, the POS person had their head in my friend's lap at lunch (just to spite me).
Well, over the years, he knocks her up, lies to his parents that he's married during this process, and finally marries the girl. Which he physically, sexually, and verbally abuses for years. I tried to convince her for years to leave this complete fuckface, but she doesn't. Let's not mention that she has MORE kids by them, three kids, who get to listen to all the violence and see just how well a woman should be treated through their role model parents (one girl, two boys).
Just to give you an idea of how great this guy is, when their tax return came one year, he decided it was much more important for him to get a brand new, top-of-the-line computer than it was for his children to have beds (three children slept in one full sized bed). One year in particular, where she left him for a few months, she lived with me. When he wanted to get a vehicle and the money came, I asked him to get an automatic so I could teach his wife (21 at the time) how to drive. I even suggested a place where he could get one fairly cheap that seemed to be in great condition. The next day, he went out and bought a standard from the same place I suggested, a standard which cost more money than the automatic did.
I think you're getting the gist.
Well, when I was younger and crazier, I told the guy I was seeing I wanted to see other people (never goes well), and then I started dating someone else. So, being my ex lived near this couple, this guy starts fabricating all these lies about how I ran around on him and cheated on him towards the end of our relationship (I guess because he's a cheating piece of shit, he has to pawn off his less desirable attributes onto other people).
Now, I think I can say with confidence that anyone who really knows me also knows I'm not built that way. I think that I am a fairly decent person, and something like that would mar my integrity and my honor, two things I work really hard at. But for the first few years of my marriage, here was this twatwaffle (new learned word), perched on my ex's shoulder, talking shit about me.
So...after a decade of hurt, anger, and loss, he contacts me. I start talking to him, and he asks me about it. I tell him the same thing. Basically in a nutshell, I never cheated and really, you need to consider your source. And if you believe me capable of those kinds of things, maybe you never really knew me. And I think at that point, he got it, but frankly, 10 years worth of stomping around, hate-filled and angry, that takes its toll on anyone. (But shush! We're not talking about me, we talking about my ex...)
By and by, I think that things are 'okay' with my ex. He doesn't want to shoot my husband in a dark alley anymore (that I know about) and will call me just to talk from time to time. But...I think about it, and I get angry because I can't imagine all the damage it's done behind the scenes. I think there were a lot of 'our' friends that 'sided with him' because they thought I was this evil, twisted ex in the relationship, when it wasn't that way at all. Which, I don't really blame them for wanting to look out for my ex, he is a damn good guy....we just really did not see eye-to-eye at that point. Closer to I don't think he could see things from my vantage point, and at that point, I had to move onward. And when I moved into a more serious aspect of a relationship, I basically got whisked away, so where I would normally run around and put fires out and make adjustments, I physically moved away.
Maybe I lost a lot of friends during that time. Maybe I didn't have a lot to begin with. I know that I can't please everyone all the time by everything I do, and I don't expect to. I know it shouldn't bother me, what other people think, but the reason I don't talk to my friend anymore is because of that worthless, pathetic excuse for a person - No, he will never change, I won't ever think better of him, and if he were to drop dead tomorrow, I still would believe it would make the world a better place for not having him in it. But I suppose if they were really my friends...they'd have come to me and talked to me and asked me.....Who knows why people believe rumors?
That being said, he can continue to hate me till the end of days (because he does. I've never actually done anything bad to him, but I call him out when he lies, which he hates, and I have encouraged his wife to leave him, which she has three times, including that once on my suggestion......which can tell you a lot about him, it's not just me.....because he's just a lying, cheating bastard....). It doesn't change the person I am, just as he has never seemed to change.