Sometimes the Universe likes to pull jokes that I guess only the Universe likes to laugh at.
This time, well, I'm headed back to Houston.
Now, I've been gone for years, but sometimes, I always have a way of heading back home. This particular revelation came after an unwitting blowup amongst friends. I know I didn't behave in the best manner, but damn, it's funny how I can put up with other people wearing their ass on their shoulders, but in the one time that my brain goes into total meltdown and I wear the asshat, somehow, I'm taken to task, people attempt to shame me, and forget that I was ever a good friend.
Anywho, I have been known to 'sense' things before they happen. So I will chalk it up to that. Because upon hindsight, really, I wasn't behaving my normal self, was in a rather bitchy/whiny/pissy way, and within a day after total meltdown, I get this call from my dad that my sister has decided to go on home hospice.
Okay, kids, that really puts things into perspective.
Firstly, I can handle arrogance. Self-righteousness is another thing. When people's behaviors contradict their normal patterns, I get concerned. Sometimes I get blasted, but it doesn't make me less concerned. Sometimes it makes me hysterical. But no matter how much of an asshole someone's been, my friends aren't usually assholes, so when they wind up acting like assholes, generally something's wrong and I do what I can to find out and either fix it, or help them through it. Unfortunately, I don't think I ever got the benefit of the doubt. But after thinking on it for a while, I realize that if I cannot be given any kind of grace, particularly in light that I give so much, that really, I can probably do without those 'friends'.
But when I found out my sister was not well, it made me homesick. For years, we lived separate lives, our own paths taking us elsewhere. But as a curtain call looms, it beckons me home. I want to spend more quality time. And being as most of our family is from around that area, after nights of long talks, my husband and I decided that it would be best we go home.
I never thought about the kind of reception that idea would inspire. All sorts of tail wagging and wiggles came out of the idea, and I didn't realize how much we were missed, or how much we were missing out on. So...as scared as I am to quit the job I've carried for the past six years, I'm taking a deep breath and another great leap. Hopefully, for the better. I leave behind a few good friends, but I come home to a lot too. And I also come home in better shape than I left, so that's always a good start.