media askew

I have friends that have made the paper. Of course, the paper paints things in the worst possible light. But the fact that online, people have tried to devulge more information and the newspaper has denied them commentary on the article is just another show of how bias the media can be.

It's concerning. How many people second-guess what they're reading and keep from taking what they read as an absolute, final truth?

Not many.

Think about the other factors. Always ask questions.


the fractal of life

I walk through the kitchen and there's a cat hanging out in the dishwasher. Oddly, this doesn't phase me in the slightest. I continue heating my dinner and trying to catch a hold of the epiphany that I had earlier today.

I commented on someone about the inter-connectedness of thoughts, and how one thought can race to another at light-speed. But it also makes me recall a debate I had last week that there is something and the space between it is nothing.

As I was ironing my work shirt early this morning, it came to me this morning that it can't possibly be true.

Because if it were nothing, it got named. If it has a name, it's SOMETHING, even if it's nothing. At the smallest level, the microcosm, the gap between the nucleus of an atom and the electrons surrounding it....

Someone might argue that there is nothing there. But if you call it a gap, if you call it nothing, if you call it space, if you call it air....you've given it a name, which makes it something instead of nothing....

So if you apply this microcosm/macrocosm approach, it isn't even a 'circle' of life. It's an endless, psychedelic fractal. Seriously. Because it's far too complex to be a circle, but simple enough to be patterned.

I don't know if I can explain it proper. But it made a lot of sense this morning, before the sun rose and the coffee was even peculating.

I am both fascinated and disgusted by the cat laying in the dishwasher. I hope it doesn't clog the dishwasher drain.



In November, I'll have been married 13 years.

Hasn't been all roses, but I assure you, that the quality of my relationship probably makes a lot of others pale in comparison. Why, do you ask? Let me explain some things.

When we got together, before we even got married, we laid out some ground rules. The first is that we'd never call each other out of name. Meaning, even at the most heated portions of our fights, the words, "You're being a bitch/asshole" have come out of our mouths, but never "You ARE a bitch/asshole". To the both of us, there is a vast amount of difference there. The difference is respect. If you're a friend or a loved one, when someone's acting a fool, only a friend or someone who loves you can get up enough compunction to tell you you're screwing up. Everyone else just lets you screw up. But a person who CALLS you a name that isn't 'nice', well they don't have a lot of respect for you, do they? And if they can't respect you as a person, they sure the hell can't respect your opinion.

One of our other rules is that we don't lie to one another. Not even white lies. You think I jest? Lying totally screws trust, and if you don't have trust, you don't have much of a relationship. So....frankly, we have omitted portions of the truth or let it go untold, but we don't flat-out lie to one another (some people might think there is no difference, but to us there is significant difference....). If you don't tell me something, shame on you for not disclosing the whole situation. But if you tell me something and I can't trust you at your word, what good is our relationship?

The third is that we have never laid hands on one another. And I don't mean healing. I think that our childhoods were probably a little more rough-and-tumble than they should have been, but I have seen people take things out of hand, and once you lay your hands on someone in anger, habits form. The force seems to escalate. We have NEVER, in the 13 years we've been married, even pushed one another in anger. (Now I can't say I've never thrown anything at him, but the intention wasn't to hit him. And I can tell you, when you have a small case of beadery explode next to your head, it will certainly get your attention. Not one of my better moments, but it accomplished what I set out to do.)

Those two things I think have been fundamental to the survival of our relationship. There were several people who didn't think we'd last the first three years, us being young and 19 when we got married.

Oh, how wrong they were.

Funny enough, I probably got more offers for extramarital affairs than I cared for. That is saying, after I got married, seemed like everyone crawled out of the woodwork and offered to sleep with me. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the draw of 'forbidden fruit'. Maybe life didn't turn out the way it seemed for them. But as far as I was concerned, I was married, and by the gods (BEFORE THE GODS), I was going to keep my word. At least two incidents I can remember, I jerked a guy up short trying to kiss me, telling him I as a married woman and thank you if he'd keep his tongue in his own face so I don't have to lop it off. In my eyes, willingly kissing someone else (meaning more than a friendly or loving peck) and you're stepping outside your commitment. Let's lay down the law....if you place a TOE in a building you've forced your way into, the judge will STILL call it B&E. Promise.

I got married. I took vows before the Gods. Firstly, I would be covered in shame to break a vow to my husband. Secondly, I'd be mad to break a vow that I swore in front of the gods. Seriously.

These are MY feelings, and they're mirrored by my husband. I mean, he was a trucker for a while. If someone had told me that when he was out trucking that he'd cheated on me, I'd laugh in their faces. He's not built that way and he carries the same sense of honor as I do. Even if he had been completely pissed off at me, he would have still honored his vows. Same here.

By the same token, I suppose I expect much of others. I cannot say I haven't been let down. A lot. But the idea comes from the fact that if I can, as crazy as I am, live up to these things, the people that I love and think much of should have the same kind of 'sterner stuff' as I do. Not necessarily true. So...I generally don't hold it against them, but I find the older I get, that if they can't live up to at least half of my determination and honor...I really don't need to waste my time on them.

And it's not to be ugly, it just that we don't have a commonality. There are certain thins that mean a LOT to me, and if they mean little to them, how do I expect them to keep up with me? They...can't, really. We're just too different, I suppose.

That goes along to the tune of 'with a fool no season spend, least you be counted as his friend', I guess. If my husband were to drop dead today, any guy/friend that I have ever known, if they'd EVER cheated on their wife/girlfriend and had the foolish notion to confide in me over it, had they been candidates for relationships they were immediately moved to the bottom of the list. Any person who would maliciously act out at someone (yeah, he broke my clock so I slashed his tires) goes to the bottom. Any person that steals knowingly (which includes office supplies, people...a thief is a thief is a thief....) is not even up for any consideration.

Anyway....the side bonus was telling you about how cool my marriage is. But the main point of this blog was the idea of 'oathbound'. Let me get to that.

The idea isn't the pleasure of keeping a secret for a secret. The idea is being able to keep promises. To make commitments and stand by those commitments. It is a gauge of strength of character. Of determination. Of devotion and dedication. Ideally, (and I am forever the idealist) I think that it represents a people with that kind of character throughout every aspect of their lives applied, which is to say that they give their word and they live by their word.

It doesn't have to do with keeping super-secret information. It has everything to do with loving and trusting the people that you're practicing magic with. It's a different level of intimacy, but intimacy nonetheless. And in that intimacy is the same high standards, the same level of respect, commitment and trust.

So now...before you go flapping your gums about how wrong it is for those Traditionals to keep their secrets. Before you rant on about their elitism or call them names over the fact that they're so tight-lipped....instead of dwelling on what you don't know, how about you take some context clues on what their behavior tells you.

How could you want anything but that kind of commitment?


About October.....

"October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February." - Mark Twain

October Flower:
Calendula - The Calendula represents grief and jealousy.

Libra - September 23 - October 22
Scorpio - October 23 - November 21

Birthstone: Opal (Traditional - meaning Hope)
Tourmaline (Modern)

Today is:
* Homemade Cookies Day
* World Vegetarian Day

This week:
* Fire prevention week.

Your month-long observances are:

* Clergy Appreciation Month (Pastor Appreciation Month)
* Computer Learning Month
* Cosmetology Month (National, US)
* Country Music Month
* Crime Prevention Month
* Dessert Month (National US)
* Dinosaur Month
* Drum Month (International)
* Energy Awareness Month
* Family History Month
* Fire Prevention Month (National)
* German American Heritage Month
* Hispanic Heritage Month (September 15 - October 15)
* Kitchen & Bath Month
* Magazine Month (American)
* Pasta Month
* Pastor Appreciation Month (Clergy Appreciation Month)
* Pickled Pepper Month
* Pizza Month (National
* Polish-American Heritage Month
* Popcorn Poppin' Month (National)
* Pretzel Month
* Rollerskating Month
* Sarcastic Awareness Month (as if!)
* Sausage Month
o Source: Click Here
* Seafood Month
* Stamp Collecting Month (US National)
(Since 1981, October has been officially designated as National Stamp Collecting Month. It is an annual event that began in 1981 as a joint venture of the Council of Philatelic Organizations and the United States Postal Service. American Philatelic Society: www.stamps.org)
* UNICEF Month
* Vegetarian Month
* Breast Cancer Awareness Month
* Eye Injury Prevention Month
* Celiac Disease Awareness Month
* Chiropractic Month
* Dental Hygiene Month
* Disability Employment Awareness Month
* Domestic Violence Awareness Month
* Down Syndrome Awareness Month
* Halloween Safety Month
* Healthy Lung Month
* Let's Talk Month - Advocates for Youth
* Medical Librarians Month
* Physical Therapy Month
* Sarcoidosis Awareness Day
* Spina Bifida Awareness Month
* Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Awareness Month
* Talk About Prescriptions Month

And - Breast Cancer Awareness Month - Squish a boob!


box world

So my house is starting to look suspiciously like an abandoned warehouse, because the boxes are piling up. I know that it might be a year before I move, but I'm packing now.

Yeah, yeah. Others think I'm insane too. Here's my reasoning.

In all the moves, the husband has packed. I am not by any means blaming him, but well, when he packs boxes, it's more out of efficiency than anything else and...things get broken. Important things. So this really is kind of a slow process, but it IS a process.

What's important? Uh, sentimental things. When I was part of an ADF Grove in Houston, we had an outreach program that included inmates on death row. Before the Texas Seven, one of the members used to craft these beautiful handmade boxes of balsa wood. When my daughter was born, he crafted a keepsake box with her name on it. On the lid, there is a triskelion painting of the threefold goddess and her name is hand-carved above a small handle which opens the lid. It was the last box he ever made, because shortly after the escape, they took away his tools. So, it's important to me that it doesn't get damaged.

So in the flurry of day-to-day, on my days off, I've been meticulously packing the smaller items, using those silly free publications to shred (they're a waste of paper anyway) for packing (which will be recycled upon reaching their final destination).

So there are slow days where I fill half a box, others where I can put away 2-3 and mostly, it helps me go through and throw out what I don't need, give away what I can, and streamline things to a minimum to carry halfway across this country next year.

It's an adventure, to say the least.



I dreamed that I was in a very small, cream-colored bathroom with lighting that isn't quite bright enough. I sat and brushed my hair, which was long, thick and wavy. Someone came and knocked on my door, whom I let it. I think it was my roommate. Very carefully, she asked of me if I would help her move fish from one tank to another, so I obliged her. I saw no dead fish, but it was a challenge keeping the water high enough so that they did not suffocate in the process.

Generally, when I dream of fish, someone is pregnant. Hmm.


as a duck

So yesterday we went to the park after school.

I notice that my eldest daughter seems to be teetering on the brink of womanhood. She wants to go to the park, but she omits playing on the playscapes. She will swing on the swing for a time, but when all the younger childern bombard her, she leaves them to their own devices. She looks for more 'grown-up' things to do. So instead, she walks along the path where the pond is. One of the younger children with us has a pop tart from after care, and begins to break it up, throwing the bits out to the ducks. Soon, all the ducks begin to congregate. Of course, because there's food.

I'm pointing the duck out to her, and she watches them quietly.

"This is important as you become a woman. Remember: Be like a duck," I tell her. "Let everything roll off your back. Be calm and composed on the surface. Graceful. But paddle like Hell underneath."

She giggles at me and I shake my head. "You're so silly, Mom."

I hope that she remembers.


just dream

There are some days that all you can do is dream.


read anything

As a kid, I read a lot.

So this makes reading important to me. Everything from escape-artist hamsters, vampire bunnies, turtles with drawers in their chests and people who lived in dreams. My scope of reading was pretty wide, but words painted things better than any movie could on TV.

Makes me think of the re-worked Star Wars series and how things were put in as they were 'supposed to be' because we didn't have the technology to do it yet. Makes George Lucas a visionary.

But I digress. I was reading Piers Anthony in the fourth grade. Jack L. Chalker's series of Flux and Anchor during the fifth grade, and in the summer going on to sixth, I read Stephen King's "IT" (and that was four sleepless nights as a child). Maybe I shouldn't have been reading so much of that so young, but really, I don't think my parents paid much attention to the content of the books that I was reading. They were just happy I was reading.

And I read voraciously. I still do. It is not uncommon for me to put away a paperback in four hours. But... the reading now is recreational. It's much more difficult to read something technical or history-related (snore). Not that I shouldn't, I just can't stay awake.

Regardless, all this reading built my vocabulary. I think that the way I write was hammered out by countless writers, some famous and some unknown. It is extensive, and I try to go through a lot of thought when communicating what's going on inside my head.

I see this now in my children.

Most people through the years have commented on the vocabulary of my children. They use words and phrases that are beyond their years and in their school, they have been recognized by their schools for their reading abilities (they actually brought home trophies last year).

So yes, there is a lot you SHOULD read, but reading anything is going to expand your mind. Reading actually helps you communicate, so whether it's the paper (which is supposed to be on a third grade reading level, I believe) or some short piece of fiction, continue reading.

People say to me, "I'm just not a reader."

My reply? "Well, it's not that you're not a reader. You just haven't found books with subjects you're interested in." Because we're all interested in something. Why not learn more about it through reading? Kill two birds at once.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.


cheap witchery

If you are a heathen on a budget, there are a lot of things that you can collect for your witches' cabinet for relatively cheaper. This just kind of takes a bit of time and effort on your part.

Now, before anything, here I am going to promote garage sales and thrift stores. There's a lot of GOOD things about them. I mean, waay back in the day when I was young and dinosaurs roamed the earth, everything was about bright, shiny, new and without anyone else's energy to contend with. Too bad it sucks on the pocketbook and is generally badly made (a lot of modern, mass-produced crap). I used to be kind of a snot when it came to things like that as a little kid, and growing older, I realize how much more valuable places like that can be (hey, I can admit my faults!).

Anyway, I digress. Thrift stores and garage sales are the best. You can find all sorts of nifty things there, starting with candle-holders, cups, bowls, etc. I have bought some amazing things at garage sales and thrift stores, including what looks like some sort of wooden finial for a staircase which is over 12 inches tall and a triple goddess (for 1.99....seriously! I'd post the picture, but it's already been boxed for when I move.). I've bought mirrors for spell work and 'witches' bottles', I've even hacked up bedsheets for an assortment of crafts, including altar cloths, robes, and drawstring bags. And when we're talking pennies on several dollars, you're doing good. Jars, buttons, containers, etc. You can find dang near anything your little witchy heart desires. Sometimes it takes longer than others, but eventually it shows up.

Seriously. I mean, I go in for the mindset of offering bowls. I found an Aurthur Court pewter tray that retailed like 40 dollars I used for quite some time on my altar. Hand-thrown bowls is what I look for mainly, and I find quite a few of those too. Small side tables can be refinished or painted for altar space (a friend of mine found a nice six-sided side table he uses because it has some sort of storage compartment under it he keeps all this small altar stuff in). Altar bells. Small boxes for spellwork. All sorts of neat things...just take some time out!

Other than the cheapness of some of the amazing, adventurous things you can find, this is also a 'green' thing. I could be greener. But at the very least, this is one of the tiny green things that I do, because you're recycling STUFF. One person's junk is another person's treasure, that sort of thing.

And you can get newer stuff if you wish being frugal. If you work on some crafts, but aren't generally a crafty person, sometimes you have to have people point you in the general direction of savings. For fabrics in the making of things like poppets or bags, you can actually hit up several of these fabric stores which sale 'remnants'. These are pieces of cloth which are left overs of a bolt of cloth (which is what they usually measure out from), and sometimes they're actually cloth that was cut someone decided at the last minute against buying. Specialty stores, like Hancock Fabrics, will sometimes have special sales where you can get an eight dollar pattern for 99 cents. Bigger places like Michaels, Hobby Lobby, and Garden Ridge Pottery will sometimes sell buttons and ribbons in a bag mixed with a sale tag on it amongst the remnants because, well, they're remnants themselves of packages that have been damaged and the 'leftovers' is what has been salvaged for sale. Goodwill actually does this kind of bagging too of assorted odds and ends.

A word of caution though on candles, especially from thrift stores. When you find those candles with the wicks that seem to have metal in them, be warned. A lot of times, that metal is actually lead-based, so when you burn the candle, you're diffusing a small concentration of lead in the area. So be careful what you pick up along those lines!

So happy hunting to you and show what you find spectacular!

Pagan Census

I was sent to this link at the Wild Hunt...so I'll add it here (Thank you to Deborah Lipp!!) The link to the Wild Hunt reads as follows:

Add Your Voice to the Pagan Census

Pagan scholar Helen Berger, co-author of “Voices from the Pagan Census: A National Survey of Witches and Neo-Pagans in the United States”, has announced that she and fellow researchers James R. Lewis and Henrik Bogdan are revisiting the Pagan Census project. The Pagan Census was first initiated nearly twenty years ago, and compiled data from thousands of modern Pagans to give a fascinating snapshot of our communities during Paganism’s meteoric rise in the 1990s. Now, in an age of blogs and instant communications, an update is underway to compare and contrast just how much we’ve changed.

“A number of scholars have noted that it would be helpful to have a follow-up of that survey to see if and how the community has changed or remained the same. The survey that follows uses many, although not all of the same questions that were in the original survey to provide that comparison. There are also new questions, for instance about the Internet, something that was of little interest 20 years ago but is now, and some from other studies, that again permit a comparison. This has resulted in the survey being somewhat long–we appreciate your taking the time to complete it.”

I urge all my readers who identify in any way with the modern Pagan/Heathen movement to participate in this census and spread the word to everyone you know. The more respondents the census has, the more accurate the data. You can find it, here. You can be sure that I will be paying attention to this renewed project as it goes forward, and will keep you appraised of any updates or results.


the wand and the blade

I have been following a lot of BTW stuff, because I'm interested in that kind of traditional witchcraft. So I ask a lot of questions. One of them was over how other groups use their tools and why against what most BTW believe.

I think it has taken me a while to get this one, but I believe I finally got the gist it.

(Better late than ever?)

You get these Seeker herds in now and then to the traditionalist groups, and BTW forums/newsgroups/whatever wind up re-hashing everything that happened about 10,000 posts ago (literally), and one of the things that crop up time and time again is about the wand and the athame and how they're NOT interchangeable (whereas those that study BTW have listen to outsiders about how THEY do it and how THEY feel....if you EVER join one of those groups, realize that you're the outsider and your invading someone else's culture to learn....it's not about how YOU would do it, it's how THEY do it...*steps off soapbox*). Somewhere someone said to me along the lines of (paraphrased) "Think about how a knight would command with a sword. Think of how a king would command with a sceptre. Think about it..."

Which left me stumped, because really, I couldn't think around that. Can't you command with either of them? I mean, really? Yeah, I know. I'm slow.

But it took an EXPERIENCE to get the epiphany. Not a book. (I am totally an experience person - that is, I love to do things and interact for the experience. You can read a library on cars, maintenance and repairs of cars, driving theories, road rules, whatever, and the experience is a completely different thing.)

I work as management in the retail environment, and I have a very bad habit of picking up merchandise and playing with it as I cart it through the store. I think at one point in time, I actually picked up a piece of debris from some sort of signage instead of an actual piece of merchandise. I think it was a cardboard tube, but the size of a large dowel and hollow. Business is actually slower this day, and I'm speaking with some other subordinate supervisors about the people they supervise and what I think needs to be done for the morning.

Then it occurs to me.

I have this little tube in my hand, and I am gesturing with it. To them, to what I want done, to this, that and the other. Two thoughts flick across my mind almost spontaneously. The first is the image of an orchestra director. The second though, emblazoned in neon says, "You are holding a wand."

Hastily, I put it down. Not because I am not wanting to will these tasks into manifestation, but because I realize that it is really something that is almost imperious in gesture, and I want my employees to find me approachable, not lofty or set apart. Not saying that is how wand-wielders are, but to me there is a sense of command and direction, and although it is necessary to run a business, I do not want others to be intimidated by it. (If that made any sense.)

See, now if I'd had a sword, then it probably would have been just as effective, but for different reasons. I mean, I'd be holding a sword, for crying in the rain. Which literally gets your point across. But it would have been a totally differently charged atmosphere.

So the next time you want to argue the point they're interchangeable....why don't you try using both to talk to people in real life and gesture with them. Puts things in a whole different perspective.


counting the days

I made the decision that I don't want to be where I am anymore.

Now, unfortunately for me, when I get my mind stuck on something, it's really all I can blasted think about. So my very thoughts are consumed with planning and re-hashing what it is going to take to move me, how far I have to go, what I will do when I get there, what the population totals are, and ultimately, the time and money ration which applies almost daily. It's almost more than I can stand.

But I have a few goals in mind, so I suppose it makes it okay.

However, things are still staying relatively as stable as they can be while I work in my mind how I'm going to pull this off. I take this as a sign I'm on the right track, and sometimes it's just really hard to leap blindly into the void.

Other times...well, it's the thrill of a lifetime, isn't it?


it started with me writing, "I'm not gay."

If you look to the right (the writing on the Wall), there's a blog from that other place. The idea was that I'm not gay, but really, if I have to go out to a bar, going to a gay bar is preferred to going to any bar at all. The reasoning behind it is that, quite frankly, that crowd is WAY more acceptable and tolerant than any other group that isn't neo-pagan. Aside from the snickering at the catty remarks made by some of the guys that I hung with, it just has a better atmosphere all around. Especially out here in Podunk, where the bars are relatively smaller and much fewer, so everyone generally knows everyone and they take care of their own, so to speak.

Anyway, a young follower of the blog made a dumb comment about his butt to the effect he didn't want someone thinking about 'ramming his tubesteak' there. But he has gay friends.

You can imagine the hostility he is going to face. He already got one face full from a friend.

But a lot of things occur to me.

This guy, who made the initial crass remark, is very young. Only about four years out of high school. That really isn't a lot of time exposed to the real world, and although his words are badly chosen, here is an opportunity to educate him.

The person responding is a nice person, a gay man. His response is heated and impassioned about what he feels. But I think his method is not the best, because objectively, it looks like a gay man ranting at a homophobic straight guy.

So nothing to get resolved.

My commentary goes along the lines of their replies. And where I don't agree with either of their responses to one another (or my blog for that matter), I don't hold it against either of them. One is fighting fear, the other is fighting stereotype. I just hate seeing it disintegrate into something ugly.

Like I said in the blog, we're all on this mudball together. We all should try very hard to get along, because as it is, all we have is each other.


in the darkness

This is a repost of the blog I usually write on, but it was highly relevant, so I am putting it here too....

About a week ago, my roomie finds me in passing and we sit down and have a chat. One of the things she brings up is about my sleeping, and how I have a hard time of it.

She explains that when you get up in the middle of the night to go into the bathroom, you should be careful not to turn the light on. The reason being is that becase when the light hits your eyes, it begins waking up your brain. The light tricks your mind into waking up when it's really time that you should be sleeping. So there should be nightlights in the bathroom, to give you really dim lighting in the hopes of keeping your brain from fully waking.

Makes sense to me.

Now let's look at the magical application of that.

Most magic done under the cover of darkness, but maybe not for some of the reasons that people think. In a lot of literary works, both fiction and (pseudo)non-fiction, those who practiced magic did this at night, in the dark, under the light of the full moon.

Light just enough to sleep by, all those that practice magic would agree that you have to moved into an altered state of consciousness to accomplish these kinds of workings. Well, kids, most of that altered state (natural or otherwise....most moderns tell you it's something they've accomplished, not something that they have to use to induce a different awareness) is akin to sleep..... so.....

...does it make sense now?

how to find a witch/pagan/wiccan/etc. in your area

Because Albiana posted it. Because it's valid. And most importantly....

....because you are not alone.



Everything happens in threes. At least, I notice that funerals happen in threes.

So I get back from Houston on Tuesday. Last night, someone that used to hang with the pack I ran with about a year ago shot himself. I heard this morning. The funeral will be sometime next week.

So now I'm nervous. Day before yesterday, I had a horrible panic attack. Is that a synchronicity? It makes me wonder, because a lot of things have fallen to the Jungian idea of 'synchronicity', and I'm not sure if I'm really in the mix with that. I mean, I want to be in tune with things, but I really hate the passing feelings and being unable to account for them. It means that I can't intervene. And maybe I'm not supposed to, but then why get the feelings at all?

I'm so confused.


slowing down

When was the last time you slowed down to evaluate your life?

I'm heading to Houston for a funeral which is on Monday. The woman was a part of my family, but that is not saying that I knew her well. I know that she was strong in her church and community, and that every interaction I ever had with her, she was very sweet and very kind. She made sure that my children got presents for their birthdays and Christmas, and tried to make sure and call us every so often.

A lot of times we get so caught up in all the things we have to do, we have a hard time slowing down to evaluate that in which we have. The long and short of it is that we have a very askew sense of value - people who are too wound up in their work often miss out on their family life. People who are all about the family never have adventures or dreams beyond the gates of their fences.

So what is it then? It is making sure that we strike a balance. That we can appreciate what we have, yet drink of something more. We cannot let that which eludes us embitter us. Or make us hopeless. Yet we cannot keep snapping at the heels of it either.

And then I hear my buddy whisper at me from the darkness. He says, "Everything in moderation. Even moderation."

Some days it's easier to listen than others.


witches say the darnedest things...

(this is a repost from another blog...but the incident was so funny to me, I had to share...)

So my daughter is sitting in the chair with my husband, and a commercial for that sitcom Breaking Bad comes on. It's about a chemist, so the words bromide and barium are spoken.

"What's barium and what's bromide?" the six year old asks.

"Well, baby, they're elements," Daddy explains. "Do you know what elements are?"

"Sure do! ......Earth....Air....Fire....Water....."


Wiccan Ebay

This shit destroys my soul. So I wanted to rant.

- I don't care you're selling 1/2 oz. packet of garlic for magical purposes. If I wanted herbs, I'd visit the local health food store or an apothecary. Or given time and patience, I'd grow the damn thing myself.

- I don't want any stupid 'magical rock' with a painted rune. That's just low.

- If I wanted herbs or oils or incense, I really would have put that into the search field.

- Stop trying to sell "Gardnerian" or "Alexandrian" BOS CDs on the internet. I'm not buying it.

- Stop trying to sell ANYONE'S BOOKS on CD on Ebay - you scum-sucking bootlegger.

- If I want potion bottles or anything like that, I too know how to shop at Hobby Lobby or my local caft store for them. I don't need your 'lot'.

- Same thing goes with your stones. If I wanted five tourmaline-quartz mixtures, I'd probably get them cheaper at a lapidary shop or the museum of natural science.

- Using 'Satanist' and 'Wicca' in the same description is annoying.

- Instant Spell Kits. *facepalm*

- Symbols drawn, painted, written or scratched onto a surface that originated from the Necronomicon aren't wiccan symbols.

- I would NEVER buy a 'ghost in a jar'.

- Polymer molds should not be listed wiccan by principle.

- If anyone REALLY wants 'cheap candles', wait until the day after a holiday and buy them at Walmart. I got over 100 candles for less than 15 bucks.

Just thought I would rant some.



So....I'm officially wierded out.

Sort of.

I thought I had at least six more months. Seriously. Yet, yesterday the eldest child calls me from the nurse's office to tell me 'that event' has happened.

No, no. She wasn't sick. At least, not in any abnormal way.

I say abnormal, but she's only eleven. And now, now we must think of an appropriate rite of passage ritual for it. Something more pagany and memorable for her. Maybe even gift her her own set of tools. Hopefully.

She doesn't seem scared. But me? I'm both elated and sad. Really. My baby girl is really, really growing up. Becoming an adult. Where does the time go?

Anyway, any thoughts and ideas about rites of passage are appreciated. I didn't get one as a kid...so I'm kind of fumbling in the dark for her as an adult.


across the Universe

I've talked about this on my blog before (uh, probably my other one), but I wanted to mention it here.

Have you ever run into a person that looking at them seemed such an intimate gesture that it felt as if you were standing in a the room completely naked?

I have never had anyone explain proper that feeling when I share it with the person I was experiencing it with or other more knowledgeable individuals in those kind of mystical things. I've only had that kind of contact with three people, one of whom was a total stranger and I actually spoke very little to. The other two was to an ex (and it was actually years after I'd not been dating him.....years...like a decade...or more...) and the other was an english teacher in college.

So of the two I talked to, the feelings were mirrored as well. The ex was happily re-married and just as shocked as I. But not knowledgable about those things either and probably chalked it up to 'good chemistry'. I'm skeptical about that explaination.

The second was my college English teacher and he was actually very gay, a Kabbalist, and had no clue what it was (but I simply adored him!). At least, we never had enough time to discuss it. He actually bought me a copy of The Mystical Quabbalah by Dion Fortune (yeah, I know I spelt it different twice, but there are so many spellings for that dang word). But confessed that he felt that same kind of instant attraction/spark/feeling. We didn't know what to call it either.

I don't just buy 'good chemistry'. I don't think it was entirely a physical connection. We're low on pheremones and winding up to really be diversified creatures.

It is not a sexual thing, but there IS an intimacy involved. People say the eyes are the window to the soul, and when they looked at me, it was as if I was pushed onto a stage, naked and laid bare for all the world to see.

Past lives just don't cover it. Any takers on this one?


look right

No, seriously. That's my blog on MySpace. That's where I write most of the time. I mean, sometimes I write here, but that's okay...it's a lot of stuff that gets written there for a lot of people. Almost 50,000 hits. And sometimes...totally...random...conversation. Seriously.

Check it out, if you're keen on my writing.



Call it clan, call it family, call it tribe. Whatever it is, GET one. You NEED one.

Seriously. I mean, what's the point of having experiences if you have no one to share them with?

I mean, even as a parent. If you're a couple and you've got kids, you've got to know other people. Your children have to learn more interaction than 'just those kids at school' and frankly, as they grow up and go through their own things, its a good idea to have people you love and trust around so if your child doesn't feel as if you are approachable with a topic, they can go to their favorite 'aunt' or 'uncle' and talk - which keeps you in the loop and hopefully keeps the kiddoes out of harm.

I see the potentionals of a lot of danger. I've got a daughter on the brink of blossoming into womanhood and I can admit it, I'm scared. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders, is logical and practical, and I want her to feel as if she's got a large support base. And she does. Believe me, she does. But sometimes kids have to see it as well as just know it.

And there's where you come in.

Maybe the family you're born to isn't the greatest. And you can't change them. That's okay. As adults, we kind of pick and choose our own family - just pick wisely and make sure that you nuture your friendships. Just like a plant, it needs attention to grow.

So let that be your meditation for the day. Where is your tribe?



I'm about to go on a small vacation to go home.

Home. That's an interesting word, isn't it?

I've travelled some. Perhaps not as much as I would like to, but I have lived in Houston for quite some time, in and around. Now going back, it's both dread and anticipation.

There are people I love there. There are places I love there. There's good memories, fun times, and special things.

There's smog and traffic and roadside construction and more buildings and .....etc... etc...

So I've mixed feelings on it.

There's been things in the wind which are heralding me to move back into that area. I'm concerned, but not really worried. I'm not thrilled, but I don't dread the idea. I think I'm a lot better off than I was...but if I did move back, I hope it would be further out, like Humble or Katy.

Who knows?

All I know...is that in about a week or so, I'm going home.


To Write Love On Her Arms.

(taken directly from the mission statement at the website, for my friend Renee, so I can share with all of you.)

To Write Love On Her Arms.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

The vision is that we actually believe these things…

You were created to love and be loved.

You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known.

You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

We live in a difficult world, a broken world. My friend Byron is very smart - he says that life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck.
We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people live with problems of pain. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real.
You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change.

Beyond treatment, we believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone.

The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.

The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles.

The vision is that we can reduce the suicide rate in America and around the world.

The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.

The vision is better endings.

The vision is the restoration of broken families and broken relationships.

The vision is people finding life, finding freedom, finding love.

The vision is graduation, a Super Bowl, a wedding, a child, a sunrise.

The vision is people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.

The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.

The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.

The vision is hope, and hope is real.

You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.


This began as an attempt to tell a story and a way to help a friend in Spring 2006. The story and the life it represented were both things of contrast – pain and hope, addiction and sobriety, regret and the possibility of freedom. The story’s title “To Write Love on Her Arms” was also a goal, believing that a better life was possible. We started selling t-shirts as a way to pay for our friend’s treatment, and we made a MySpace page to give the whole thing a home. Our friends in Switchfoot and Anberlin were among the first to wear these shirts. In the days that followed, we learned quickly that the story we were telling represented people everywhere. We began to hear from people in need of help, and others asking what they could do to help their friends. We heard from people who had lost loved ones to suicide. Many said that these were questions they had never asked and parts of their story that they had never shared. Others were honest in a different way, confessing these were issues they knew little or nothing about. It seemed we had stumbled upon a bigger story, and a conversation that needed to be had.

Over the last two and a half years, we’ve responded to 80,000 messages from people in 40 different countries. We’ve had the opportunity to bring this conversation, and a message of hope and help, to concerts, universities, festivals and churches. We’ve learned that these are not American issues, not white issues or “emo” issues. These are issues of humanity, problems of pain that affect millions of people around the world.

We’ve learned that two out of three people who struggle with depression never seek help, and that untreated depression is the leading cause of suicide. In America alone, it’s estimated that 19 million people live with depression, and suicide is the third-leading cause of death among those 18-24 years old.

The good news is that depression is very treatable, that a very real hope exists in the face of these issues. We’ve met people who are getting the help they need, sitting across from a counselor for the first time, stepping into treatment, or reaching out to a suicide hotline in a desperate moment.


Great Expectations

I am not of a tradition.

Not by choice, I just supposed I haven't run into a lot who were in traditions. I have a fascination with this.

When I hear the word 'coven', I think of family. I think of integrity, of devotion, of loyalty and chivalry. I think of people who say what they mean and mean what they say, all with their full hearts. I think of the ideals of honesty and love, sharing and kindness. I think of having a group around a hearth and a home full of love and acceptance. All this love, all in praise of Ancient and Wise gods.

Am I a hopeless romantic? And idealist?

Maybe. Maybe not.


amber and jet (because someone asked)

This looked like a good link. It's one of the better ones I've been able to find. But I've always found discrepancies when it comes to 'jet'.

So what do I do? Hit Wiki. (It's damn got everything.) I remember before, a friend and I debated it. Coal or fossilized wood?


Wiki says:

"Jet is a geological material and is considered to be a minor gemstone. Jet is not considered a true mineral, but rather a mineraloid as it has an organic origin, being derived from decaying wood under extreme pressure.

The English word-name "jet" derives from the French word for the same material: jaiet. Jet is either black or dark brown, but may contain pyrite inclusions, which are of brassy color and metallic lustre. The adjective jet-black is better-known perhaps than the substance from which the descriptive phrase derives.

Jet is a product of high pressure decomposition of wood from millions of years ago, commonly the wood of trees of the Araucariaceae family. Jet is found in two forms, hard and soft. Hard jet is the result of the carbon compression and salt water; soft jet is the result of the carbon compression and fresh water. Jet is easily polished and is used in manufacturing jewellery, according to the Whitby Museum, dating from 10,000 BC in parts of contemporary Germany. The oldest jet jewellery was found in Asturias, Spain, dating from 17,000 BC.

Jet as a gem material was highly popular during the reign of Queen Victoria, during which the Queen wore Whitby jet as part of her mourning dress. Jet was popular for mourning jewellery in the 19th century because of its sombre color and modest appearance, and it has been traditionally fashioned into rosaries for monks. In the United States, long necklaces of jet beads were very popular during the 1920s, or Roaring Twenties, when women and young flappers would wear multiple strands of jet beads stretching from the neckline to the waistline. In these necklaces, the jet was strung using heavy cotton thread; small knots were made on either side of each bead to keep the beads spaced evenly, much in the same way that fine pearl necklaces are made. Jet has also been known as black amber, as it may induce an electric charge like that of amber when rubbed. Powdered jet added to water or wine was believed to have medicinal powers."

What I think is neat is that it has the electrical charge thingie.

And of course, Wiki's take on Amber:

""Amber is fossil tree resin, which is appreciated for its color and beauty. Good quality amber is used for the manufacture of ornamental objects and jewelry. Although not mineralized, it is often classified as a gemstone.

A common misconception is that amber is made of tree sap; it is not. Sap is the fluid that circulates through a plant's vascular system, while resin is the semi-solid amorphous organic substance secreted in pockets and canals through epithelial cells of the plant.

Because it used to be soft and sticky tree resin, amber can sometimes contain insects and even small vertebrates.

Semi-fossilized resin or sub-fossil amber is known as copal.

Amber occurs in a range of different colors. As well as the usual yellow-orange-brown that is associated with the color "amber", amber itself can range from a whitish color through a pale lemon yellow, to brown and almost black. Other more uncommon colors include red amber (sometimes known as "cherry amber"), green amber, and even blue amber, which is rare and highly sought after.

A lot of the most highly-prized amber is transparent, in contrast to the very common cloudy amber and opaque amber. Opaque amber contains numerous minute bubbles. This kind of amber is known as "bastard amber", even though it is in fact true amber."

But be wary, kids, of 'reconstituted amber' sold as the real McCoy:

"Reconstituted amber is the most difficult, sometimes fooling experts; it is, after all, noting more than amber chips made into a large piece with a “filler”, usually melted copal or something similar."

Anywhozzle, I would file away the 'electrical charge' as part of the value of the 'stones' to more traditional witches, but I make no assumptions.

I had to restring mine recently, and not having enough (poor lost beads! they are quite expensive!), I actually restrung it with magnetic hematite. Wonder what that's going to do.



normal reaction

So you want to be a witch?

My 11 year old daughter has been considering it. But it has certain side-effects.

For instance, she is struggling towards goth-dom by wearing skulls and whatever black she can find. Somehow, in my blended tribe of a household, she's managed to come across a black fleece blanket and black pillow case. She has read those more recent vampire books (my generation was Anne Rice) and really is shaping up to be some sort of 'glam goth' theme.

This was bound to happen.

I think that there are a lot of things that we correlate in our early adventures towards the idea of witchcraft. The idea of mystery. It is figuratively shrouded in darkness to many, and that figurativeness translates into literal. We sometimes ride the line of being blatantly ritualistic to oversimplification (HMMM...the solid silver chalice crafted in 1802 with some history behind it or the hand-thrown one that my buddy made under full moonlight and ritually blessed???). As 'noobs' or outsiders coming in, sometimes it is hard to process the differences between necessity and comfort, between practical and not-so-practical.

For instance....I have several athames laying about. When I feel I need a little more masculine force, I use a crude iron one that my husband made on the forge many years ago. When I have a group, I use a silver-colored one that is 'mass produced' and a little fancy, and when I am alone, I use the small, plain one that I bought at the dollar store when I was 16 (EONS ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth).

But differences? Differences only come with experience. You can see them, you can get to learn them, but it is the experience which makes us more adept at what we are doing. Eventually, the self-starters, their black clothes will fall away, their loud pagan jewelry will minimize, and their swishy gypsy clothes might be saved for faire or ritual or something instead of public, everyday wear.

Now, not everyone 'grows up'. I don't expect them to. If I could get away with being perfectly acceptable in 'gypsy clothes' at work, you're dern right I'd wear 'em out of personal preference (They're loose-fitting, comfortable, colorful, and damn CUTE). But short of a stunt or reputation in the pagan community, most of the people I have met that are serious about their craft, well, I haven't noticed all the 'trims or trappings' out in public (they generally save that for ritual, if at all).

Not saying that it doesn't have it's place and each to their own, but personally, I'd rather be taken seriously than look like a Rennie whack-job (no offense to my beloved Rennie friends).

So I think I'll humor her, then point out the differences. Maybe she'll just grow out of it.



We're sitting around, talking about doing a full moon ritual, and the silliest thing occurs to us.

Witches bottles.

Now, I start thinking, and I begin to wonder about the places I've lived....and some random gardner digging up a flowerbed and finding one of my bottles of protection. It set us all giggling.

I mean, really? What would you do, digging through your flowerbed, finding jars filled with shards of mirrors, pins, needles, what looks like herbs and wine or piss? Seriously?

So here we are again, giggling madly. I guess it's better than digging up bodies.

a Rite of Passage

It is hard to explain to someone who knows nothing about piercing or tattooing that a parlour is one of the most sanitary places to get anything done. Health department comes in and inspects, asks questions, and by the gods, those 'artists' have to be on the money.

In those multi-purpose store that have those earring places, well...I never hear of anyone inspecting the ear piercer.

Anyway, another thing I've always had a hard time explaining was why I never pierced my daughter's ears.

When I was pregnant, both times, I quit smoking, because frankly, it wasn't the kid's choice to partake of those noxious substances. By the same token, I never pierced their ears. If there was going to be mutilation to their body, it was going to be their choice, not something inflicted upon them 'just because'. Not that it didn't tempt me, the older child had almost no hair as a young one and people mistook her for a boy often, even if she was wearing pink and frills and flowers.

Regardless, the older one, who just turned 11 last month, comes to me and tells me she wants her ears pierced.

So, like the adults, I explain to her the advantages and disadvantages of having a tattoo parlour piercing as opposed to one you can get in those little botiques in the mall. The fact it's easier to clean rings than studs. The fact that it costs about the same amount and a lot of other little things that you'd only know if you were A) interested in that kind of lifestyle or B) interested in doing that kind of work. After weighing her options, she decides she wants to go to the tattoo parlour at this point.

So as we go in, I explain to her about the jewelry. The purpose of the captive bead ring, gauges, and the different kinds of piercings. I tell her that other than her ears, she'll have to wait to get anything else done for a while. I explain to her the care and feeding of a piercing, what it all entails, the kinds of jewelry, the stuff the jewelry's made of, and assorted other things. I also tell her about some of the experiences I went through when I was a piercer. After a while, I just put it to her, "If you don't want to do this, then we can just leave and it's all good. If you want it, tell me and I'll make it happen."

"I want my ears pierced," she says promptly, with a bit of surprise - I guess she was still kind of unsure of herself, but sure enough wanted some earrings.

So the guys look at me like I'm a bit soft in the head, but they don't say anything. I bang her birth certificate on the counter, fill out all the paper work and just talk a little about why we were there instead of at the mall. By that time, they've already got her saddled up and cleaned off, so I'm rushing to go take pictures.

And I'm proud. I'm SO proud.

Last week she won second place in a spelling be. We're talking afterwards, and honestly, I told her I was almost as proud of her for getting her ears pierced as I was of her winning in the contest. "I'm not proud that you had your ears pierced," I explain. "I'm proud that you realized you were afraid, but you did it anyway and you overcame your fears because it was something you really wanted to do. I'm proud that you were afraid, but you did it regardless. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to overcome our fears. But if we can get past some of these things we're afraid of, we can do anything. I'm so proud, I want to cry."

And she does that, "Mom" where it sounds like they want to roll their eyes, but she adds, "If you cry, it's okay. It's not bad to cry."

And all I can do it smile. "I'm proud. So proud."

This is afterwards, when we're at the store getting that liquid Dial soap that all piercing should be cleaned with, and some ibprofen, and instead of listening to me blubber on, she grabs some of those rainbow Twizzlers and asks politely for some chewy candy.

I love my kids. Watching them grow up is amazing.

dropping the study of Wicca...(a rant)

There's a lot to that one someone's writing about elsewhere.

Once the Hollywood facade falls away, what are you left with? You're left with a very vast school of knowledge, most of the time without a teacher.

Oh, boy.

I don't know if it's just the American culture, but anything you have to work for is too hard, so people don't generally persue it. That's pretty much anything. That's why you have a vast majority of people without higher education (we're going to hop around on Wikipedia for some of these points I'm making).

But I digress, let's look at the 'Wicca' situation.

First off, let's call a spade a dirty 'ole shovel. Let's call it Witchcraft. Why? Because it's derived from a lot of things, which to the amateur student, is a lot of information to partake of.

Let's look at history. Let your jaw drop, because there is a LOT of history involved. The creation of the magickal system can be accredited to a lot of sources, including Kabbalah, a mysticism of judaic origins. Throw in a large collection of eastern mysticism (and yes, every one of those links has corresponding elements in the rituals and beliefs of witchcraft). But...that is even before you get to the history of some of the men and women who introduced it to the public and you've got a whole other area of history to work on. Then, if you'd like to get technical and do some research on how Wicca became recognized as a religion in america, then you've got more modern history (like the issues with pentacles being allowed on gravestones, which is a big step in becoming a more common, more 'acceptable' religion during modern times).

Overwhelmed yet? We're not even started.

Herbs is another big fascination. Why? Because witches are concerned about their enviroment and the natural order of things, so herbal remedies are something that they would look towards instead of modern medicines (and if you're lucky, on the internet someone will sell you something to help you out....gotta love capitalism). But if you're going to study that, well, you might as well know some of the magical uses of them. Only the Gods know if if it's really going to make a difference, but it doesn't hurt, does it? So many different places with so many different meanings, but with the idea of hermetic princples and the law of correspondence, well it can't do anything but help.

Divination is another area of study. Runes are getting more popular, but you have Futhark and it's variations, a greek oracle of runes, the MODERN divination tool called druid sticks, and then your older tried and true forms like geomancy and Tarot (Yeah, I forgot the name of what a friend of mine was researching, but it had to do with stones, their proper types, their alignments to the planets, and the 'casting' of them for purpose). And that's if you're not straining your eyeballs scrying.

History. Herbs. Divination. I would say that those are the big ones that most people wind up moving into. Not many really research the nature of the path, the anthropology of it, nor do they really want to think of it as a science (refer to hermetic princples) and get an understanding of how the universe works, or themselves for that matter. It is far easier for someone to dictate to them HOW something works, as opposed to WHY it works. Most 'students' of witchcraft want to be spoonfed and have everything available to study at their leisure.

That's not how it works, kids.

Gather information. Check, double-check, triple-check, and if something new and exciting comes along, cross-reference it to something else you found somewhere else that kind of makes sense. Keep learing. Keep gathering information. Power comes from knowledge, but the ultimate goal is understanding. I believe that is the true Craft of a Witch.

My two cents.


honey cakes

Generally, we use bread.

But yesterday, I think to myself, it might be nice to have something more traditional. So I find a recipie for 'honey cakes' to use. Mind you, this is the simplest recipie I can find, and I realize that there are at least two things I am missing. Dinner consists of easy elements, so a friend over borrows my car, zooms to her house, and obtains the magickal, missing ingredients that she's got stashed at her house.

It doesn't occur to me how simple the recipie is until she gets back.

I start in...okay, mix the shortening, sugar and honey all together and melt it over low heat. I do that. Then I don't know if I'm over analyzing it, but I think, now...does this sugar have to melt? Does everything have to blend? Why the hell is the honey hanging out on the top and the sugar seem gritty?

Whatever. It melts, it's mushy, and I let it cool. I continue adding the other ingredients, get to the end and I think my brain got stuck in overdrive. Normally, when it says to 'place a teaspoon full' on a cookie sheet, they mean a plop of whatever the hell it is you're baking. I start discussing this with my friend. A levelled spoon? What the heck? So I do this. I level them. Maybe it was lack of sleep.

They come out as these little buttons of cookie-ish substance. Fatter than a vanilla wafer, but maybe just the same in diameter. My friend squeals with delight and happily beings munching on what really is supposed to be for later.

"You know those wafers that they give you in communion? They are about that size," she comments.

Great. Witch wafers. Just what the world needs.


random thoughts

I love the Tuscano catalog. There's always neat stuff in there. Some of it's low cost, some of it's expensive, but they do art reproductions too.

So I'm looking through this stuff with my roomie peeking over my shoulder. All I can think about is the very dark and red picture of the an Oracle of Delphi, her hood pulled down so she can just peek from under the hood, sitting on a high chair over a crack. Fumes are wafting up from the crack and she holds an olive branch in one hand.

I dunno, I saw the little devil plushie of Strife's and somehow it made me think of red and fumes.

Regardless, it just makes me reflect on the spiritual wasteland that I live in. I live in the dead center of the bible belt, so those pagans that I find here are either quite happy to practice on their own (thank you very much) or waayyyy too freaky for me to consider even having fellowship with (delusional might be a good word here as well).

Let's just say I approach some things (mainly people) with a healthy amount of skepticism.

I am trying to bide time. I know I won't be here forever, but this place is really not where I'm longing to be. Give me green over this crunchy, yellowed and dead grass any day. I'll trade you cactus for trees any day.

I am restless, but determined. There's stuff to be done here, I'm sure of it.



I know, I know. I haven't written here in a while.

Things have been hectic. I've been in Houston. I'll be back in Houston in March, but the Houston trip I had was really unplanned and unexpected. In fact, it was only due to the emergency of my father being admitted into the ICU. You can read all about it on my other blog.

Coming home has been a little weird. I don't know if I'm being avoided, but it really seems as if my roommates have not been around much. In fact, one of them has spent every night away from home since I've been here. I know that she's going through her own garbage, but really....sometimes it's nice to feel like you've been missed at least a little. I don't need fanfare or anything. But like the first night I came into town, some other friends stopped by to see me for a bit. The people I live with have been apparently too busy to do so.

About the only nice thing I can say is that I got a new statue. Apparently it's been waiting for me in a shop since I got here. Nobody would buy him and he's more bronze-colored than the one that's in the picture.

I got to drag my stepmother into a pagan bookstore because for some odd reason, she's fascinated by the art of belly-dancing. Which is kind of cool for me, because it gives me an excuse, but it's really kind of odd coming from her. But it looks fun and frankly, I've got to get into some routine. Maybe when she gets back from Houston, we can work towards that. It's something I've always been interested in learning, since I have all the grace of a duck.

Anyway...I'm around.