So I have a year. What's a year? I will find out in the next too weeks. I don't relish the idea of driving 45 minutes to and from work, but I can live with it. After that, who knows?

The husband says of all the places he's lived, Kentucky is very green and mountainous. I like that idea, really. But wherever we go, all I am thinking about is the college, the schooling. We really should have never stepped off that track.

But life happens, doesn't it?

It's almost time. Things are coming together. I feel a little off of center, but that is because I think that the things which were holding me back have fallen away. This is good, I think. We'll see.


sniffing markers

I'm glad to be home.

Not that it isn't fabulous trying to keep up with the math portion of things in the classroom, but my mind doesn't do well with the figuring part. All I can do is sit around and sniff markers, trying very hard to listen to what is being said.

And yes, I CAN sniff markers...they're scented markers and non-toxic. So there. :P

After class, my brain isn't working well enough to read anything of substance, so I thought I'd pick up The Witching Hour by Anne Rice....I think I've been pretty disappointed (but I'm into self-inflicted pain...I'm still reading it...), because frankly, one character is introduced and you get like a 40-100 page essay on their background...oh well... maybe it's relevant to the ending.

I can't wait to go to the 'green' store. Apparently it's a tester for sustainability, utilizing all sorts of renewable methods of energy and all sorts of other nifty things. There's only two in exsistance to this kind of extreme, and they're seeing if they're feasible for incorporating into the later building of the stores. It's awesome. Can you imagine what kind of wonderful we'd have if every major chain of store/services/etc. decided they'd 'go green'?

It is a wonderful idea, but don't get carried away with it. Don't take what I'm saying wrong, either. I've seen plenty of people who went wonderfully green and became pillars of the community. Then there are those who become so absorbed as to lock out the rest of the world - face it, it's easier to believe you're being 'ethical' towards something that can't speak for itself, no matter what other damage you do. It's easier to have that one-sided relationship than it is to build relationships with people.

But let's steer out of those dark waters.

I think I've been putting off going to my home store because really, I'm scared. Nerves and all. I wanted to go tomorrow, but my dad quite logically pointed out that if my sponsor (the store manager) has to be there on monday, more than likely, he's not going to be there tomorrow. Makes sense. So I'll get my clothes ready and hope.

I bathed my poor car and sucked out all the debris from the floorboard. I don't think I've been as attentive to the last several cars I've had. I just didn't take much stock in their physical appearance, as long as they ran. But being that I'm having to buy this one for so much, perhaps that is what unconsciously goads me into taking better care of it. I still haven't unpacked from the four weeks I've been away...somehow, I just dread pulling all that shit out of my trunk.

I haven't got to see my sister or mother yet. They are STILL without power since Ike hit. Apparently there was some sort of verbal exchange between my brother and my mom and sister, so they decided that they'd overstayed their welcome and went elsewhere (to one of my mother's friend's houses...not sure which). I am feeling a little homesick, and hopefully soon I'll be able to see them. Although my sister are a lot like water and oil sometimes, I really long to see her.

Randomness - anyone know where I can find Spaceballs merchandise?


corporate happiness

So I'm left to my own devices, wandering around Dallas. Fortunately, there is a Half-Price Books near the hotel. I get a map there the other day, and I decide that I have exhausted the collection over the past three weeks and went in persuit of another one further into Dallas.

I was not disappointed.

It was a monolith to both bookwormies and greenies alike. The damn thing was probably some gutted grocery store, because it was about three times as big as the one that is in downtown Houston (off Montrose area). So when I checked out (I bought books for my kiddoes, it's been a few weeks since I've added to their collection), I commented on how large the bookstore was.

"It's the largest one there is," the lady said laughingly. "In fact, it houses our corporate office upstairs. This IS the homestore."

Ah! Heaven!

That probably would be heaven for me. An endless library of books, all that were, all that are, and all that would ever be, lavishly decorated with interesting artifacts and museum pieces. Bedecked with comfy couches, pillows, fireplaces and lush atriums.
This is my first attempt at a remote blog from my phone. Today, work dealt with business math. I nearly dozed off. At least we got out early.:p


rules of engagement

I have a four-cylinder car that is more gas economical. Being that it is a lightweight car, the car in and of itself should remain with all four wheels on the pavement at all times.

When we 'axe' you to come over, it is because we are in the back yard, throwing axes at a tree in the attempts to fell it on top of the house while we're drinking. It is not a literary device of slang which forumlates the actual word 'ask', that most people who use the 'axe' substitute are too damn lazy to pronounce.

The focus of diversity is an oxymoron.

When quoting the movie "Blazin' Saddles", it is not okay to quote some of the lines aloud, no matter how damn funny they are.

Just because they make it in your size, doesn't nessecarily mean that it fits, nor that it is MEANT to be in your size. There is something unwholesome about having a thong in a XXX-L size, personally. Or even a bikini.

And in regards to the last thought and other ones which could coincide, there are just some things you can't un-see.


myth of the poor pagan and stereotyping

I was digging through some old archives on a yahoo newsgroup and ran across a few posts by a pagan and her non-religious husband about how most pagans are poor, have poor business practices, and how "they don't have to be poor".

How narrow-minded. How shallow.

Let's face it, folks, most of America is split between the 'haves' and the 'have-nots'. The majority of Americans can be considered the 'have-nots' and stereotyping the neo-pagan community as such is the sign of a narrow-minded individual.

Firstly, in my own personal experience, the 'poor pagans' are generally out of the broom closet. They live in such a way as they do not generally care who knows they are pagan and they either do not advertise it, they wear their markers discreetly but don't parade it, or they wear their symbols proudly and will share their beliefs with anyone and everyone. The 'haves' in the pagan community, well, they have had a tendency to be much more subtle about sharing their beliefs, because the fact of the matter is, they are the minority and although we are a country that preaches 'melting pot' and diversity, there is a lot of prejudices in our culture, specifically against the words 'heathen', 'pagan' and witch.

I also believe that this 'poor' trait stems from something much more fundamental in pagan beliefs too. The majority of people who declare themselves pagan, openly or in the broom closet, well, they don't really focus on money, do they? They focus on the family, the tribe, and the importance of community, many things which are base in our beliefs. Having a savings account filled with thousands of dollars or a good IRA is one thing, but the majority of us would spend our last pennies to make sure that those we have in our 'tribe' are fed, clothed, and have a roof over their heads.

I have never personally been 'well-off' or blessed with more money than I really know what to do with. However, when wealth and abundance has blessed me, I have fully extended that, shared that, with both friends and family in the order to make their lives easier. To me, my family was more important than a huge bankroll. To me, my friends being okay was worth more than a brand new car.

Hurricane Ike is a grand example - you can have it all, everything you ever wanted (this example being on beachfront property), and have it taken away in an instant. What then?

I think this myth-conception (yes, every pun intended) is through the misunderstanding of our true values. Most people become pagan because of heritage and tribe, not dollars and stocks. Most people become pagan because they have a need for family, for understanding, and for a sense of fellowship and community. You don't need a 300 dollar wand, you don't need a solid silver incense burner.

As for business practices and professionalism, frankly, if you hire anyone that isn't a well-established business with references, you're playing russian roulette with whatever you're project is. If you're specifically hiring the pagan community and you don't take the same issues into consideration, you're setting yourself up for defeat and you're propagating a stereotype. There are a LOT of self-employed people who do really good jobs with references. Dumb you if you choose an individual who isn't because you choose them out of their religion and not their references. Pagans get hired all the time, and just like any other faith, race, or creed, you're going to get your slackers and poor people. They're across the board and not limited to faith.

So before you go on preaching about how much better you are because you've chosen to be successful, make sure you have the understanding of the community and society as a whole before you bang on about the pagan community. There are plenty of pagans who are successful and just because you don't see them easily doesn't mean they're not there. In fact, I am on several newsgroups and am stunned that I seem to be the only one without a degree in something (which soon I will work to change).

Stop and think before you open your mouth and show the world you haven't.


crystal clear ducks

I've been flipping through pictures on the internet when I get breaks inbetween work and work, mostly looking for the damage that Hurricane Ike has done. Hearing Galveston was hit hard it not too bad, but SEEING the damage on film is quite something else.

We used to camp out on Crystal Beach. Little fire, driving across the sands. People didn't really congregate there and no one really bothered you unless the fire was too big.

But now it's literally 'all gone'.

It puts the whole 'stuff' idea into perspective. No matter how much you have, or how nice it is, it only takes a moment for it all to be blown to smithereens, unrecoverable....gone....gone...gone.

People put too much value on stuff anyway.

I can't say that I don't have a lot of stuff. I have an overabundance of stuff. Books I haven't read in years, trinkets that I've collected. Crazy stuff. But oddly, a person will say, "Hey, that is SO COOL." And then I'm like, "Take it. Please. Here!" And when they look dumbfounded that the object of their admiration is in their hands and really, really theirs to keep, I just laugh and tell them to take it or it's going to get thrown away anyway.

I mean, ballcaps, for instance. I've bought about 6 in the past three weeks, and I bought them all on clearance. But they're cute, and people like them, so it doesn't hurt me to give them away. Like one is brown and says "Treehugger" (the one that I'm currently wearing is pink and actually is a Guiness hat....never saw one in pink...), or something. What did I pay? 3 bucks. What does it cost me to put a smile on someone's face? Three bucks.

I think I get off relatively cheap. And it makes someone happy.

No master's degree here, but I make it. Maybe someday when I get the opportunity to go back to school, and I WILL go back...it's just a question of when. Right now just trying to get my ducks in a row, which is all that anyone can do. Till then, surrounded by friends and content in the way things are going, which is always good.


lifestyles, supervising and casual sex...


(Perv...it wasn't what you were thinking.)

I think it's great that so many 'new friends' that I make can sit around and casually joke about sex.

From the prim and proper days of being flogged in town square for a woman showing her ankles, it's UNBELIEVABLE how far we've come from the Puritan basis of that our country was founded on.

That being said, today I've had a hell of a time sitting around the hotel pool and joking with the cohorts in training with me about sexuality.

I have always been thought of as 'one of the guys' in my youth, and as I get older, I realize that people expect me to be some sort of upstanding citizen, a matriarch of political correctness.


No, seriously.

The outer shell gets older, the body gets more frail, but a lot of times I check, I really don't see that I've 'matured' from my high school years. That's probably not saying a lot for some of the 'kids' that were my age - but I my fits of irresponsibility were few and far between. I'm not saying that I didn't do some of the empty-headed bullshit, but I just did less than the norm, I think. While people around me were only focused on partying, or getting knocked up and partying, I was actually thinking of marriage and career-building. I was thinking about family and home. Now how much credit I could get, what fast car I could drive, or how many varieties of STDs I could pick up.

Somehow, somewhere, I think that I they got over it and I got bypassed.

I can't help it, I think I'm a kid at heart. "Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult." People worry about their financial brokers, their house payments and their retirement. My thoughts? I could be hit by a truck tomorrow and if all of my focuses were strictly on getting ahead or what other people thought of me, then I'd have a dull and boring life.

I'm moving into a management position where I'll have the responsibility of supervising perhaps 300-400 people. Does this concern me? A little. But imagine their surprise, or at least the surprise of some of those that I used to work for or that I'm training with now, when they learn that in my life, I've apprenticed in pottery, tattooing, piercing, have done some college, or that I did in-home parties selling dildoes. And that's just among spending a lot of time being a housewife.

People worry so much about stuff. Or how they look in the eyes of others. Or how they can get ahead enough to look down their noses at those they want to feel superior over. It just makes me think of my brother's words of wisdom:

"Life's too short to use cheap toilet paper."

Quirky? Yes. Wise? Undoubtedly. I can't say that there aren't a lot of questionable behaviors that I haven't seen, and there's several that I don't agree with. You want to have multiple marriages and weird sex, that's your business? Do it behind closed doors, don't let it effect the kids. But bring in animals and children, and answer to the barrel of my shotgun, you sick bastard.

(Did I mention I'm opinionated?)

Regardless, I'm kind of a live-and-let-live gal. But explain something to me if you can.

To me, there are a lot of shallow individuals who would pretend to live ethically with people and the enviroment. They advocate recycling, but they buy costume jewelry which is put together in chinese sweat-shops. They want organic foods, but they buy products which are animal-tested. They scream for animal rights and accost little old ladies in minks, but you never see them jump biker gangs which are clad in all-leather clothes. They buy organic milk, but they wear perfume with strange synthesized chemicals in it. They get net bags instead of plastic ones at the store, yet they throw away an old pair of rubber shoes.

Something's gotta give, kids.

I know that we're all of a dualist nature, because we have to live in this kind of paradox. The manufacturers and prices that we pay for things will ultimately win out over quality and sustainability....

...until we demand the change.

But until then, think about the things you're doing. Sending checks to Greenpeace is going to enable some zealot to fly to brazil and chain himself to a tree. Fat good that's going to do. Instead of just throwing money at something in the hopes that things will get better or change or go away, how about take some time and effort to read and maybe write? Write companies, write congress, or better yet, hell - go to school to get a job which enables you to make a difference. Become a political activist who's educated or join up with a company that really believes in sustainability or enviromental issues. It's gotta start somewhere, and instead of the whole bouncing back and forth, what can you do that makes a difference?

And if you have to bounce back and forth.... here's a though:

If they don't recycle in your area....if you can't afford organic foods. If you can't send billions of dollars to the relief efforts for natural disasters. If you can't chain yourself to a tree in brazil.

If you can't do any of these things...do this.

Just be nice. Be nice to everyone. Do random acts of kindness. Go the distance for someone you might not even know, because you choose to be good and selfless. Pay it forward.

And who knows? Maybe it will become contagious.


tattered, but still going...

I found this a little strange. Just a little. The American flag shredded to hell...but the Texas flag still clinging to life. This is a picture from someone in Galveston after Ike.
Go figure.
I've got family who's too-tough-redneck genes kept them from leaving Houston. Last time I got the hell out of Dodge, it took 23 hours all the way up to my destination, which was in a podunk town in northwest texas. So now I just get to worry about people. Crazy as it is, I'm pretty sure everyone that I know and am close to is okay. Hopefully.



I've been hanging around Dallas for job training, and I'm holed up in a hotel during my stay. The volume of people here yesterday was surprising, being that there were SO many that were refugees from the hurricane. But they've all been friendly, even the kids (who are loud enough to wake the dead), apparently hungry for that neighborly talking. I don't know that we realize how much we are social creatures until we are isolated from those that we have a familiarity with.
The individuals who are working with me in this class seem polite, and a few of them even really personable. I've been bumming around with two of the five people in my class, both guys and family men. It's a shame, one is young enough and charming enough I'd have introduced him to my pet redhead.
I don't blog here much, but I thought I'd post a note. It's been an interesting experience. Go to my 'real' blog to learn more. ;)