Some days, I really feel that way.
It's been over three months since my stepbrother and sister passed away and I really have written much of anything. It's not from lack of desire, but there are some things I don't think people can ever really find the words for. And until then, as I spend time with my mother, my sister's smiling face beams at me from various pictures throughout the house.
I am finally reunited with my family after four months of solitude. I find great comfort in them. My family is my husband and two children, but our unit now includes my best friend (to my delight, deciding to return to our old stomping grounds with me) and my mother (who, after five years of taking care of my terminal sister, decided she did not want to live alone). It's a little crowded, but I think that everything will work itself out.
Over the course of time, it has been rough. For one reason or another, I've chosen to stop talking to 'friends' of mine. I think that I finally just come to the realization that in my friendships, I give too easily and too much - I worry too much and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I got to the point where I'm just tired of getting stepped on, stomped on, lied to and treated like I'm stupid. So.....I think that my focus is now just going to be on my family. So if you feel a little neglected, can't help that much - just know that I'm trying to do what's best for me.
After the insurance change, I've had some other complications arise. I have an appointment with a new surgeon tomorrow, and we'll see what's going on there. I'm scared, but then again, why shouldn't I be? I'd rather pick and choose what I'm going to have my complications in old age from as opposed to have them just happen to me. But we'll see. I still have time to make the decisions.