Any blessing is still a blessing.

When they prayed over my stepbrother, my stepmother paused, knowing my difference of opinion when it comes to religion.  Gently, she asked me if it was okay.

"Yeah.  Any blessing is a good blessing, no matter where it comes from."

And I stand by that remark.  Maybe it makes me a little nutty, but I sincerely believe that the good begets the good, and what goes around really goes around.  So I humbly accept the blessings of others.  Blessings for peace, to prosper, for love and light and joy.

I kinda get more fickle when it comes to the state of my immortal soul, but I digress.

Anyway, I lost my phone today.  What actually happened was I left in in the bathroom.  Perhaps 30-45 minutes after realizing this, I ask the loaner boss to borrow his phone, frantically calling my own.

"Hello?"

"Hmm, yes?"

"Hey, um.  You found my phone."

"I picked it up on the counter in the bathroom."

"Can I have it back?"

"I've already left Party City and I'm on the other side of town.  I might be able to swing by there later in the week."

"Thank you so much.  I work here, so please leave it with any of the cashiers up front."

Riiiight.  That phone is a goner.

On a good note, within that hour, I called to have the phone shut off and flagged as stolen. (Try to use it now, assholes.)  A 500 dollar phone on the Sprint system becomes a worthless piece of junk.  You might be able to hustle someone into buying it for 50 bucks, but who'd want to risk it if it didn't work?

The only really hard blow to my heart was the pictures and stuff on there.  Mind you, most of the pictures no one is going to make any heads or tails out of, some of them are of people dancing around a bonfire.  Drummers.  No places, no names, nothing attached to it.  Nothing...ah, risque.  But there's some stuff on there that really HURT to lose.

Like the last few text messages between my sister and I before she go too ill to use her phone anymore.

Pictures of the last few hours of her life as they presented her with an honorary teaching degree in art by UTSA.  Within an hour of everyone dispersing from the ceremony, she quietly took a few short breaths, then breathed no more.  And we were all here for here like we were there for my kid brother.  Telling them both how much we loved them, how much we want them to be free of the darkness that plagued them, and we got to rub and pet them before they passed away quietly.

My loaner boss, the retired jewish gay special ops marine (who is deaf in one ear because he go shot in the face and the trajectory of the bullet coincided with his ear, you do the math) who could probably eat glass and piss napalm said something very sweet to me.  "Maybe you really just didn't need the phone because you didn't need the pictures of your sister like that.  You shouldn't remember her like that.  There was more to your sister than being sick.  Focus on the happy memories."

And really, that's what I think I'll do.  Those pictures were sad.  She could hardly move.  She barely opened her eyes.  Everything took tremendous effort for her. Having to explain the attachment on the phone brought me to tears.....tears I thought I had washed away a while ago.  But I realize that these injuries to the heart are like being impaled with stiletto. The damage is quick, sharp, deep and serious.  It either leaves you to bleed out on the floor, or the adrenaline spurs you into response.  However...the damage is done, so have a care that the blade doesn't move, the wound doesn't fester, and you don't bleed out entirely.

Knowing I lost those pictures, broke me down.  I spent half an hour trying to recollect myself a work.  I was a mess.  Virtual or no, those were he last things my sister gave me, and they got lost.  So don't mind me if I seem to be having my heart ripped out and stomped on the floor by a complete stranger.

It's okay.  I still come out ahead.  This month will mark the anniversary of me getting shackled to someone for 15 years and no killing them (or somehow killing me).  Don't let anyone dissuade you, it's an amazing accomplishment in this day and age.  I have someone to pick on for the rest of their life, that carries heavy stuff, that cooks, that cleans, that brew.  Someone that wants to go camping with me across America and back again.  Someone who would help me build a cordwood house out in the middle of nowhere because he can.

So.....yeah, maybe he phone being lost was a blessing in disguise.  Just means somewhere, through someone, the universe is looking out for me, and I appreciate that.