a twenty dollar burger

I've been sick as a dog today.  Probably coming down with a cold or flu or something.  I haven't eat much and I had to go into work.

After about six hours on my feet dipping and coating caramel and candy apples, I took a break and went down to a prolific, world-wide chain for a burger.  I ate sparingly, as I have to do with the surgery, and boxed the rest of it up to go.  

Walking back to work a couple of doors down, an old black man with a walking cane stopped me.  "Hey miss, I'm homeless," he said softly, "you mind sharing some of that burger with me?"

"Dude, do you want it?  You can have the whole thing.  I only cut off part of it."

He was surprised.  "Uh, you don't want it?  Sure!"  He happily took the Guinness Bacon Burger (with most of the fries) off my hands.

So....uh, with the tip I left, a burger and sweet tea there was $26.00 (ouch).   I ate 1/4 of the burger, which I cut up and ate with a fork and knife.  I still had my tea.

Maybe I didn't get to eat all of the expensive meal, from being sick and from the surgery.  I didn't need to.  But I feel okay knowing that someone who might not have eaten that day had a meal.

bombshells

There are two worlds which overlap that our minds perceive.

The first is the one that everybody wants to see.  The rainbows, the unicorns, the magical land of fae.  Where dreams come true, where there is light and joy and happiness.  It's filled with color, brightness, warmth and hope.

Then there's that Other Place.  The place of darkness, of sorrow, of pain, despair and hopelessness.  The place where demons and dragons are real, ready to eat you at a moment's notice.  Where if you try to hide in the dark, something is going to get you.

And sometimes, it does.

I learned yesterday that the child of a friend of mine I've known since high school committed suicide.  Honestly, I can't remember her age, save for the fact she's younger than my youngest daughter, which puts her at 13-14 years old. 

It's tragic.  Some kids mature faster than others, true, but at 14.....you don't know what potential life has yet.  You're trapped in a situation you have no ability to change, you can only ride through it.

But once you turn 18, your whole life unfolds before you.  You can make it go any direction you wish.  And it's such a short, short time.

At the age of 18(ish), there's discovery.  You're able to break free and go exploring.  Wherever, whatever you want, if you have enough desire and determination.

It hurts my heart so bad.....at 14....that this young girl felt like she was in so much pain, she just wanted it to stop and she felt like she had no one to turn to, no one to talk to.  I get that.  

But....killing yourself?  It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  "This too shall pass."  "Enjoy the good times, because they are fleeting.  And when you are in the bad times, remember, they can't last forever."

But she'll never have any chance to see past the 'bad times' in her life.  Because she's gone.

And there were a lot of people she could have talked to.  They put her in therapy.  I don't know if she was on meds, if meds perhaps made her do it.  but depression is a fucking liar - you can't listen.  You can't let those things in the shadows gobble you up.

If you really feel you don't have anyone you can talk to, really, think about calling or texting someone who is removed from the situation - someone objective to really listen.  Click here for more information.

I know it's about you, but if you're to the point you don't give a damn about yourself, you need to remember that there are people who love you and care about you, whether you know it or not.  Even people who really don't know you because nobody should ever be to the point where they are in that kind of pain that they want to take their own life.  Life is so precious.  Please...please talk to someone.  Anyone.

To Write Love on Her Arms

Teen Suicide Hotline

Suicide Prevention Hotline

Who died and make you king of anything?

So I've been on my job less than two weeks, but the boss is leaving for a business trip.

The timing is probably the worst.

I moved a few months ago to Louisville, Kentucky, and it's cranking up for 'Derby Season'.

I'm not familiar with this event, but it's apparently when the entire city loses it's collective mind.  At least for a month,  They kicked off last weekend with pre-Derby partying.  I work in a high-traffic tourist area, so it's been crazy-busy.  To give you an example, the parking garage I usually park in is $15 dollars a day and was 'open' all weekend (for free, goddamnit - supposedly they're going to get me a badge to get in and out and the company is supposed to pay for it), and going into work yesterday morning, someone must have been so drunk they pissed in the garage elevator, because it reeked of urine and disinfectant...

(Let me reiterate....the boss, knowing this, did not seem to want to do anything to weasel out of this trip,,,,I would have, knowing my store was going to be rockin'....)

Anyway, although the boss's woman works there (they're not married, but they just recently had a kid together) and knows more than the collective brain cells (besides the boss) in that entire place, they flew a manager in to babysit me while this was going on.

Mind you.....I do have a lot of retail experience,  I've been very slow trying to talk with the boss in the past week and a half, working on little things that probably need to change in the back end for accountability and minimizing loss of product, so I get introduced to this guy yesterday.

Automatically, he starts going over 'what's wrong' in the store. Dude, I know 'what's wrong' with what I'm looking at, I haven't really had any time to start working towards fixing that, for fuck's sake.  Telling me that basically the next two weeks, I'm his and it's now 'insert-company-name' bootcamp and he's going to 'teach me the right way to do things'.

I get it,  You're enthusiastic.  You come from further up north, so your temperatures on your cooking aren't going to be applicable here as easily.  But by all means, try it,  If you can handle the crew in such a way you get them snapping in tune, fan-fucking-tastic,

But please....don't get pissed that I call your 'sir' when you're supposed to be the boss of me.  Don't talk down to me as if I have never had a retail experience in my entire life,  Don't treat me like you're some kind of golden child miracle worker and I am a grovelling, snivelling infantile idiot that has to be spoon fed information.  

That being said, lead the fuckin' way.  There's the podium and sceptre.

Besides that....I'm not going to bitch about my hours, because I'm enjoying my job thus far.

But he makes me want to pull his dreads out one by one, I assure you,