bombshells

There are two worlds which overlap that our minds perceive.

The first is the one that everybody wants to see.  The rainbows, the unicorns, the magical land of fae.  Where dreams come true, where there is light and joy and happiness.  It's filled with color, brightness, warmth and hope.

Then there's that Other Place.  The place of darkness, of sorrow, of pain, despair and hopelessness.  The place where demons and dragons are real, ready to eat you at a moment's notice.  Where if you try to hide in the dark, something is going to get you.

And sometimes, it does.

I learned yesterday that the child of a friend of mine I've known since high school committed suicide.  Honestly, I can't remember her age, save for the fact she's younger than my youngest daughter, which puts her at 13-14 years old. 

It's tragic.  Some kids mature faster than others, true, but at 14.....you don't know what potential life has yet.  You're trapped in a situation you have no ability to change, you can only ride through it.

But once you turn 18, your whole life unfolds before you.  You can make it go any direction you wish.  And it's such a short, short time.

At the age of 18(ish), there's discovery.  You're able to break free and go exploring.  Wherever, whatever you want, if you have enough desire and determination.

It hurts my heart so bad.....at 14....that this young girl felt like she was in so much pain, she just wanted it to stop and she felt like she had no one to turn to, no one to talk to.  I get that.  

But....killing yourself?  It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  "This too shall pass."  "Enjoy the good times, because they are fleeting.  And when you are in the bad times, remember, they can't last forever."

But she'll never have any chance to see past the 'bad times' in her life.  Because she's gone.

And there were a lot of people she could have talked to.  They put her in therapy.  I don't know if she was on meds, if meds perhaps made her do it.  but depression is a fucking liar - you can't listen.  You can't let those things in the shadows gobble you up.

If you really feel you don't have anyone you can talk to, really, think about calling or texting someone who is removed from the situation - someone objective to really listen.  Click here for more information.

I know it's about you, but if you're to the point you don't give a damn about yourself, you need to remember that there are people who love you and care about you, whether you know it or not.  Even people who really don't know you because nobody should ever be to the point where they are in that kind of pain that they want to take their own life.  Life is so precious.  Please...please talk to someone.  Anyone.

To Write Love on Her Arms

Teen Suicide Hotline

Suicide Prevention Hotline

Wonderful television series and why the fantasy genre always gets an edge...

I used to never really watch TV.  That's okay, because of the past few years, I've picked up a few shows that I really like. 

Through the aid of modern technology and Netflix, I have become addicted to the newer Dr. Who (was never big on sci-fi), the Walking Dead (was never big on horror), and Bones (but I've always loved mysteries!).  My PS3, which I watch more shows on than actually play games, has made this possible.  My family and I watch a lot of these crazy shows together.

The most recent DvD I picked up has been The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.  I know I'm kind of on the late bus for that, but I have been at the point in my life (a while back) where I just really didn't care about what was new, hip, or trending.  So ....while people pay astronomically stupid amounts of money to go watch shows with a hundred other people and overpriced popcorn, I just wait for the release on DvD...and now, Netflix.

I have to say though, that when it comes to spending money on useless junk, that generally the fantasy genre wins hands-down every time.  I mean, yeah, it would be neat to have a $40 sonic screwdriver pen, but why buy a pen when I can get something as cool as Gladriel's ring?

I know, I know, I painted the door like the Tardis.  And it's cool and all.  But to me, a reproduction of a magical ring, maybe some Gryffindor striped socks, or an elven star is something you can probably wear and get away with easier.

Not that I haven't seen a friend sport a Mockingjay pin, or even people with steampunk gear...but somehow...a 'prop' that's sci-fi and doesn't work doesn't seem as cool as a magic ring or talisman....that might work... I dunno.  Leave it to the imagination of someone who believes in magic to come up with that kind of backwards logic.

September is over.

September is over, which brings forth cooler tidings and seasonal changes.  It's weird how I feel like it's been forever since I've been cold (the mornings here in Houston have been cool), but how it feels my sister and stepbrother disappeared not too long ago.

I thought that this month would be easier, being that my sister's birthday was last month, but it's not.  Not really.  I'll be 35 this month, and after April, I will have exceeded my sister's lifespan.  It's kind of a depressing thought, so frankly, I'm not really looking forward to my birthday.  I find it just easier to take it a day at time.

I have, however, decided in all these things, over the past few months, that I wanted to embrace my spirituality more fully.  A part of that came along in the decision to open the shop.  The decision stills scares the hell out of me, but it has always been something I've wanted to do.  And frankly, life's to short to wait around dreaming of things instead of doing  them.

I find myself among old friends again.  Moving forward through life is fine, but if you are moving just to move, you much resemble the card the Fool, with common sense nipping at your heels.  It's great to have new experiences and make new friends, but we are creatures of limited space and time, and we should not let our  past be forgotten.  I think that some people would say that circling back is some sort of pattern that needs to be broken.  I don't see it that way.  If we weren't meant to have cycles, there would be none.  And just because I have certain cycles, doesn't mean that others don't have different types of cycles.  The idea though is to spiral upwards, not just chase your tail.  As for my old friends....well, time and hardships can change a person, do they not? But the hope is that whatever was fundamental about them that brought you closer to them doesn't change.  That is, anyway, the hope.

The death season is upon us, and with death comes new beginnings.  I hope that they are the best to come.