The Amazonian

Yup. There's ads here.

It's okay though, right?

I figure, with Amazon, it would make it easier to share cool finds.  And I'm all about cool finds.  There is an amazing resource through the internet, and frankly, I know a lot of people that just don't have the savvy of navigating it.

But it's okay.  It gives me the ability to share it with you.  Which, I'm gonna be honest, you clicking it might throw a few cents (and I stress the word CENTS...not dollars, CENTS) into an account that helps my countless, crafty addictions, but is that so bad?  I might be able to buy a candybar online at the end of the year. Somehow, I find that terribly amusing.

So, as a test, I'm going to share an interesting thing with you.

One of my favorite movies was done at the onset of the century, and I don't mean 2000.  It's a black and white movie which took several years to re-piece back together.  I thought it was innovative for it's time.  It sends a beautiful message.  You can see it's influence in other works of art later, especially music videos, like "Under Pressure" and "Express Yourself" (let me show MY age now...heh.).

The first time I got to see it was in Junior High from THE COOLEST English teacher I ever had, Mrs. Stengler.  Mrs. Stengler was a quirky lady. She was a older widow, living alone, and brought her Nintendo to school with her for us to help her through trickier aspects of games.  She had the most wonderful sense of humor.  I remember her very fondly.

Here is is in Blu Ray, but sometimes you can get it in regular DvD format cheaper.  The problem with it is that either way, it's kind of harder to come by UNLESS you get it off the internet.  Most places you get movies don't really carry it.  Then again, old black and whites aren't really in style for a lot of people.  It's sad...all that cinematic history....

Well...either way, I gotta run. Thanks for putting up with some of this.

Midnight....

So, I really did take the time to read this book recently.

Which is cool. It's been a while since I read something just for the pleasure of it. My schedule doesn't allot me a lot of time, and when I have time, recently, all I really want to do is sleep. But after someone mentioned to me that this book actually spurred them to go all the way to Savannah, Georgia...well, I wanted to see.

Now the book is beautiful. The descriptions are whole and have an otherworldliness about them, even as mostly 'nonfiction' as the writer says it is. Funny part is, I actually saw it as charming and pleasant reading, but...for me, not wholly shocking. Just a very pretty picture of things through someone else's eyes.

I say this, because I start recounting tales of my adventures throughout my life. I can't say it was on such a grand scale when money is concerned, but the richness and fullness of the characters...I see that in day-to-day life. In fact, my world is filled with interesting characters, and some people look at my ease and delight in people as a bit eccentric sometimes, I think. But it's the sheer enjoyment I have of people.

In the professional realm, sometimes I wonder what my peers think of me. Some know me a little better than just within the limitations of my job, and they do not say too much about what or who I am. That suits me fine, as long as that doesn't become a strange topic of conversation. However, watching their interactions, their idiosyncrasies, and manner fills me with fascination. As an old friend used to say, "Your stories got stories." Yup. I'd have to say so.

Anyway, interesting read if you're into the sociological aspects of southern gentry. Don't look for a point. It doesn't really have a point, not as far as stories go. It is just kind of a 'time in the life of..' book. It has characters which are described vividly. And even if you're into stories with very specific points and that idea doesn't appeal to you, it's a well-written book for a casual read.

unchanging

Maybe I am foolish, and blind, and sentimental.

A friend said to me that I hadn't really changed much since high school. I find that alarming. Tried as they may to coax me this was a good thing, a wonderful thing, I still have my doubts. The reason? They said that of all the people they knew, that I understood myself, what I was, who I was, better than most people they know.

I somehow doubt that.

In the past few years, I've lost at least two people that I've loved a lot over the years. It sucks for me, because I when I can say that I'm close to someone, I invest a lot in them emotionally. Maybe I delight in their growth and change. But frankly, a concurrent theme is "You don't understand me, you never did and you never will".

So it makes me second-guess myself, which is really bad, I think, if I come across with self-knowledge.

Well, let me strike that. Second-guessing isn't all that bad. It's the self-doubt that I think is the killer.

But it depresses me. I means to me that no matter how long I know someone, or how deeply I love them, it is a constant reminder that we are separate, we know nothing, and understand no one. Maybe in my arrogance I thought that I might. I don't think I'll make that mistake again. I will never try to guess someone's positioning. They don't like it and apparently I don't know it.

Another wonderfully ugly thing - more than once I have been accused of having some moralistic high horse. As if whatever standards I have are too high or too unreasonable. Perhaps it is because there is a lot of things I am accepting of, as long as *I* am not the perpetrator. Adultery? I can forgive. Lies? Makes me unhappy, but I can forgive. Theft? Forgiven. Doesn't mean I forget. Doesn't mean that just because you do it, it gives me the liberty to do so as well. If you break the law and you go to jail, even if I'm complaining at bailing you out, that doesn't mean that I judge you for it. I'm probably just bitching about the inconvenience of having to go get you. However you landed in there isn't really for me to judge. The law is the law, black and white, and although I don't agree with every law, I follow them and understand that anyone else can be inclined to break them. So what?

But I digress.

What does that leave me with? Being totally inept at understanding people? Or without understanding of myself? Or both?

The Gay Bar

Okay, so I'm getting older. Going out doesn't have the same kind of fun as it used to. Generally, it's kinda lame. People are out there sharking for a hook-up, or they're getting well past their limitations on alcohol. So why bother?

But every now and then, I get talked into it. Tonight was one of those nights.

Now, given the choice, I love going to the gay bars. Gay bars are more fun. Honestly. And I've got a lot of straight friends that don't get that. But let me explain.

If you go to a 'straight' bar, you deal with a lot of bullshit going in. You get open hostility from members of the same sex, or you are immediately estimated/devalued/examined like a piece of meat or trophy. They're very snotty, judgmental, and frankly, most of the time, they're just really assholes to who they brought, and even less cordial to strangers.

Firstly, the only thing you really have to worry about OUTSIDE of a gay bar is the narrow-minded assholes who like to harass and beat up gay people. When you take that out of the equation, very rarely (from any of the gay bars *I* went to) do you ever hear about people fighting outside in the parking lot. The 'worst' thing that I ever got out in a parking lot by a gay man or lesbian woman was someone bumming a ride to somewhere. You don't hear about 'gay' gang fights, or lesbian serial killers stalking parking lots.

What most people don't understand is that when you go to a 'gay' bar, it's not just gays and lesbians. It's pre-op, it's post-op, trans-gender, cross-dressing, hermaphrodites, metrosexual, bisexual, straight...WHATEVER. They fly their colors, they show their pride, but really, it's not about their sexual orientation or their bodies, it's about tolerance and acceptance. Having respect for differences. And I don't really bat an eye. I can sit down across from a man in a beaded gown and falsies and be okay with that. Hell, I have no problem telling 'her' that 'she' looks amazing tonight. So the hell what? I become the minority, but I'm still greeted by passer-bys with cheer and smiles. They find out I'm straight, and it really makes no difference in the way I'm treated, which is generally very amicably.

I don't need a degree in psychology to know that people need acceptance and love. WHO we love in this day in age is the least of our problems. At least it's a little more love to go around. So given the choice to go out to the 'hot new club downtown' or a 'Cheers-atmopshere gay bar'? Gay bar, hands down, every time.