echoes through time

People are like, "Let the past go - there's nothing you can do to change it anyway."

But frankly, there's some things in the past that just thinking about them, really damn well pisses me off.

I talk with all of my 'ex's.  Fortunately for me, not only to I have an understanding husband, I dated some really awesome guys.  However, no matter how carefully two people try to deal with a breakup, shit can happen.

One of the big things that pisses me off is that people I want to reconnect with from my past get some really messed-up, jaded views.  Let me give you the story.

A friend that I stopped talking to a while ago had a husband who was a complete asshole.  In fact, he was such an asshole in high school that I actually told him to his face, I didn't like him, he was a liar and a jerk, and I didn't want him to hang out around me or any of my friends.  So, of course, the next day, the POS person had their head in my friend's lap at lunch (just to spite me).

Well, over the years, he knocks her up, lies to his parents that he's married during this process, and finally marries the girl.  Which he physically, sexually, and verbally abuses for years.  I tried to convince her for years to leave this complete fuckface, but she doesn't.  Let's not mention that she has MORE kids by them, three kids, who get to listen to all the violence and see just how well a woman should be treated through their role model parents (one girl, two boys).

Just to give you an idea of how great this guy is, when their tax return came one year, he decided it was much more important for him to get a brand new, top-of-the-line computer than it was for his children to have beds (three children slept in one full sized bed).  One year in particular, where she left him for a few months, she lived with me.  When he wanted to get a vehicle and the money came, I asked him to get an automatic so I could teach his wife (21 at the time) how to drive.  I even suggested a place where he could get one fairly cheap that seemed to be in great condition.  The next day, he went out and bought a standard from the same place I suggested, a standard which cost more money than the automatic did.

I think you're getting the gist.

Well, when I was younger and crazier, I told the guy I was seeing I wanted to see other people (never goes well), and then I started dating someone else.  So, being my ex lived near this couple, this guy starts fabricating all these lies about how I ran around on him and cheated on him towards the end of our relationship (I guess because he's a cheating piece of shit, he has to pawn off his less desirable attributes onto other people).

Now, I think I can say with confidence that anyone who really knows me also knows I'm not built that way.  I think that I am a fairly decent person, and something like that would mar my integrity and my honor, two things I work really hard at.  But for the first few years of my marriage, here was this twatwaffle (new learned word), perched on my ex's shoulder, talking shit about me.

So...after a decade of hurt, anger, and loss, he contacts me.  I start talking to him, and he asks me about it. I tell him the same thing.  Basically in a nutshell, I never cheated and really, you need to consider your source.  And if you believe me capable of those kinds of things, maybe you never really knew me.  And I think at that point, he got it, but frankly, 10 years worth of stomping around, hate-filled and angry, that takes its toll on anyone. (But shush!  We're not talking about me, we talking about my ex...)

By and by, I think that things are 'okay' with my ex.  He doesn't want to shoot my husband in a dark alley anymore (that I know about) and will call me just to talk from time to time.  But...I think about it, and I get angry because I can't imagine all the damage it's done behind the scenes.  I think there were a lot of 'our' friends that 'sided with him' because they thought I was this evil, twisted ex in the relationship, when it wasn't that way at all.  Which, I don't really blame them for wanting to look out for my ex, he is a damn good guy....we just really did not see eye-to-eye at that point.  Closer to I don't think he could see things from my vantage point, and at that point, I had to move onward.  And when I moved into a more serious aspect of a relationship, I basically got whisked away, so where I would normally run around and put fires out and make adjustments, I physically moved away.

Maybe I lost a lot of friends during that time.  Maybe I didn't have a lot to begin with.  I know that I can't please everyone all the time by everything I do, and I don't expect to.  I know it shouldn't bother me, what other people think, but the reason I don't talk to my friend anymore is because of that worthless, pathetic excuse for a person - No, he will never change, I won't ever think better of him, and if he were to drop dead tomorrow, I still would believe it would make the world a better place for not having him in it.  But I suppose if they were really my friends...they'd have come to me and talked to me and asked me.....Who knows why people believe rumors?

That being said, he can continue to hate me till the end of days (because he does.  I've never actually done anything bad to him, but I call him out when he lies, which he hates, and I have encouraged his wife to leave him, which she has three times, including that once on my suggestion......which can tell you a lot about him, it's not just me.....because he's just a lying, cheating bastard....).  It doesn't change the person I am, just as he has never seemed to change.

Your habitat. It prolly sux.

We've here in Houston a year, and now we're working to dig out of years and years to accumulation at Mamacita's house.  She's off to Thailand in September, so it's a good time to really start in on it.  I'm going to  try to unfuck my habitat, you might think about it too.  There's lots of stuff, but the idea is doing a little at time.

We're trying to eliminate the crap we don't need and don't use, and frankly, that's a lot of crap.  Thankfully, we were able to sell our used medical equipment (from my deceased stepfather and my sister) to a charity that distributes them to others that need it.  That actually freed up more space than we figured.

My mother prefers rainwater to water her plants, so we're trying to restore a 500 gallon water tank to reduce the mosquito habitat she's unwittingly created.  This will be good too, because we will eliminate cluttered containers hanging out.

Anyway, any ideas, links, thoughts would be appreciated.

Basic human decency.

"Charlie Morgan just returned from a deployment in the Middle East and is now battling incurable stage four breast cancer. Should she not survive, her wife would be unable to access survivor benefits that she needs to take care of their five-year-old daughter. Watch our latest video & learn how DOMA harms military families: http://bit.ly/MorganVideo"

This kind of thing gets to me.  A lot.

You don't have to agree with these ladies' sexuality.  But there is something you SHOULD agree with.  And it's the freedom, no, the responsibility to treat one another with basic human decency.  With compassion, with love, and understanding.

The reason that this gets to me is that I come from a big family, and in that family, I have both a lesbian aunt and a gay uncle.  They are the most amazing people.  I love my family.  And their 'life partners' (frankly, I'd call them spouses, they've been together -forever-) are great.  I am lucky enough that my family can be accepting of them and their significant others.

But what happens if one of them passes away?

People bitch about the 'sanctity of marriage', but for the drama, craziness and complication of 'straight' marriages, frankly, it could happen with a lot of gay couples.  The world does not work differently, even if you are a little different.  People still have losses.  They have tragedies and they have accidents.  Death is no respector of persons.  

The difference is, if my husband dies, I get a huge chunk of change to make sure I can make that transition.  We've been married forever, so all his stuff 'r belongs to me'.  Not that I would know what to do with some of his junk, but I don't have to fight for it.

I've heard horror stories about gay couples though.

Imagine living with someone all your life, someone you loved dearly.  Building a life together, buying a home together, and having a white picket fence.  Your loved one dies, which is tragic because THIS PERSON was your life mate.  The one that you chose above all others.  That you would take a bullet for.

So you're grieving.  And then within a day or two, their family shows up on your doorstep. Mad as hell. 

Then they tell you that you have to leave.  Now.

All the stuff you bought together, well, your mate had the better credit, so it was bought in their name.  But now, even though it belonged to both of you, it's not yours anymore.  It belongs to the family.  Everything you worked so hard for, that you built a life together in love and beauty - torn apart, ripped up, stolen away from you and you're out on the street.

On top of the fact you just lost the love of your life.

Heart-breaking, isn't it?

But if you're straight, it doesn't generally happen that way.  Communal property, Common Law marriages.  Whatever.  But if you're gay and you never plan out your will or anything, guess what?  Your loved one can be shut out, shit on, and the rug pulled from under them.

How the hell is that fair?

You don't have to agree with a person's lifestyle.  But it is your responsibility to be compassionate, to care about the well-being of your fellow man, and to do as little damage to others as possible during your stay on this planet.

Stop being so damn judgmental.  For most religions that see homosexuality as a sin - frankly, it really isn't your job to judge them, is it?  That's for the Dude Upstairs Supreme - stop trying to take on Their responsibilities and deem yourself fit to judge other people's lifestyles.  That's between them and their Deity.  Just, in the meantime, be a decent human being and let people who love each other take care of one another.

It is one of the greatest things you can do with the least amount of effort.

unspoken stories

I was driving my daughter to school today (she's in an advanced program, and during the course of the summer, has been invited to study at NASA), and my keen powers of observation spotted a pair of pants in the middle of the road on the other side of the divider which runs between.

I started to giggle.

My eldest daughter, in the back with her friend, asked me what I was giggling about (because she knows her mama, and it's bound to be something she might find humorous).

"Well," I said, "someone left their pants in the middle of the road.  Who in the heck would take off their pants in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night?"

A few giggles tittered from the back seat.

"Mom, how do you know that?  I mean, it could have fallen out of someone's moving stuff!"

"I reckon," I mused (because, in the south, we 'reckon' a lot), "that someone took off their pants because if it had fallen from a box, there would be other clothes, right?"

"Hmm." More giggles.

"And if it had fallen outta luggage, there would STILL be other clothes, right?  I mean, I tape up boxes, and I latch luggage when I've got them in a trailer."

"Mom!"  Two teens, still giggling in the back.

"So....somebody must have been on drugs, or really, really drunk, and thought, GEE, IT'S TOO HOT TONIGHT!  I DON'T NEED THESE STINKIN' PANTS!....I figure if those pants could talk, they've have a pretty interesting story about how they got abandoned on a busy thoroughfare."

My daughter, between giggles, "Poor, poor pants."

The Witchery

Some people call it hokey, some people call it romantic, some people call it creepy.  But a lot of people just don't know how to take the spectacle that a metaphysical bookstore can entail.

I have been pagan for about twenty years, and one of the fun past times I have is looking for local stores (by local, I mean across my state) to purchase magical wares and goods.  I got to visit a great one this weekend.

This place is called The Witchery.  It is housed in an old, historical building built in 1914 which has been refurbished with salvaged historical apothecary furniture.Walking through the door gives you a sense of old-world style.  There is the main front room, with a long glass and wood counter, and mirrored backing left over from the days that the place was a soda fountain.  Opposite of that mirror, are two long shelving units which house books, tools, and the drawers of an apothecary, keeping herbs fresh and potent in the darkness.

Artwork adorns the walls, and curiosities line the glass cases, crystals, statuary and other oddities.  The staff is friendly, the place is quiet, and in the back, there are two green velvet-curtained alcoves which can be drawn closed for the personal readings the shop offers.

If you are are a serious scholar or just have a mild interest, this is a beautiful place to visit with a good, knowledgeable staff and a peaceful atmosphere.  For more information, go to The Witchery website.